Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and Fibromyalgia (FM) Humor
I know that this is off the subject of frugal living, but since I have CFS and Fibromyalgia, I thought it might give others who are in the same boat a good laugh.
When you have an illness like CFS it always helps to have a little humor in your life. For those of you who have CFS or Fibromyalgia I hope you enjoy these. If you don’t have CFS or Fibromyalgia, not all of these will makes sense to you! Tawra (T.J.)
If you wonder what CFS and Fibromyalgia are, you might want to read our post About Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia.
CFS/FM Serenity Prayer
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept
The things I cannot change,
The courage to change
The things I can,
And the wisdom to hide
The bodies of Doctors I shot
When they said,
“You’re perfectly healthy,
It’s All In Your Head.”
This lady has one of the funniest CFS stories… she finished shopping, and went out to find her car! She said she walked up and down the parked cars, row by row, but could not find her station wagon. After 15 minutes, she got into such a panic, she began checking cars at random, to see if she could find an open door. Just before she was about to call 911, she saw a van, which looked familiar… It WAS her van, and the station wagon had been traded in months ago! Author Unknown
On my gravestone, I want to say “I told you I was sick.” – Tom Waits
You May Have Fibromyalgia If…
- you forget spending the whole New Year’s Evening with your husband!
- you are in your own jeep, and stop for gas, however, you can’t remember where the gas tank is located until another customer shows you!
- you complete your whole grocery shopping excursion while wearing a soft-blue-gel ice pack on top of your head, while your husband follows 3 steps behind you!
- you are constantly doing ‘head’ counts of your own children, and pets! (Ha! I do this ALL the time (and I only have two kids)!! T.J.
- you leave every day for work using the front door, but must climb back into your home using a window after your work day is over!
- you rub a whole tube of Ben Gay all through your scalp to help your migraine! (Bad, Bad idea!!!)
- you tell the same story more than 3 times to the same person!
- you make your two monthly mortgage payments to the wrong bank EVERY month, having to go back out the next day to switch them!
- you go to the movie store with your fiance to choose a movie, and after picking the one of your choice, he politely tells you the two of you saw it the previous weekend!
- you drive 60 miles for your monthly support meeting… only to find out, you are a week early! (HA! This actually happened to me once! T.J.)
You Know You Have CFS When…
…when you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police.
…you have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.
…you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
…you don’t worry about avoiding temptation. With CFS, it will avoid you.
…getting lucky means you found your car in the parking lot.
…you’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started.
…you don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along.
…you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.
…the doctor says “I have good news and bad news — the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac…”
…you go to make toast and nothing happens. You’ve plugged in the can opener.
…you say to your wife, “Good morning, Mary”…and her name is Sharon.
…you have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
…you become exhausted trying to blow out the candles on your birthday cake.
…you forget your twin sister’s birthday.
…you realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant.
…you put both contact lenses in the same eye.
…there is a big basket at the bottom of the stairs full of stuff waiting to go upstairs. — David White
…it takes you longer to get up the energy to go to the store than the completed task takes you. — sassyj
…you feed your pets, then sit down and try to decide if it is really worthwhile to get up again just to feed yourself. — Sandy Flake
…you cut off all your hair because you’re too tired to wash/style it anymore. — Shyrell Melara
…you go to the store to get some cosmetics and write your check out to “Wallpaper” instead of “Walmart.” — Sheri (HA! I do this ALL the time! T.J.)
… to unlock your car, you pull out a garage door opener from your purse, aim it at the key slot on your car door, click away, and then stand there in a stupor, wondering why the door wont open. — Sheri
… you decide that tap water is ok, because the new gallon jug of bottled water is on the floor and it’s still full. — Elsie
… you go upstairs to have a bath, only to realize the bath plug is downstairs…so you decide to have a bath tomorrow instead. — gossamer
… you continue watching Martha Stewart reinvent the brick because the remote is out of the hand grope area. — Christa (How true, How true! T.J.)
Why there is no Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Day
Nobody could remember when CFS / Fibromyalgia Day was.
Nobody could remember the color of the ribbons.
We couldn’t find a ribbon color that wasn’t already used that coordinated with all colors of sweats.
The ribbon’s pin pushed on a trigger point.
Patients with Fibromyalgia couldn’t fold the ribbon into the proper shape.
How could there be an awareness day for something that doesn’t exist?
Patients with Fibromyalgia are too depressed to get out of bed and attend a rally.
Social Security would use the ability to rally as proof of our ability to work.
Everyone kept getting paper cuts trying to fold all the flyers.
The bags carrying our meds were too heavy to carry.
No one wanted to leave home overnight because they couldn’t pack their beds.
Someone had to hold the planning meeting, and nobody’s house was clean enough.
Someone set up a massage booth, and it got so crowded it collapsed. Since everyone was in the booth at that time, there was no one left to rally.
Everyone wanted the same bumper stickers *See, I Told You I Was Sick!* and the printer ran out!
There weren’t enough porta-potties in the state for the folks with Irritable Bowel Syndrome!
The politicians suddenly realized the size of our voting block, and their media trucks filled all the parking spots.
Some doctor said it’s all in your head but they never found the body.
The booth offering *Chocolate Diet Pills* ran out in ten minutes.
The people using TENS units shorted out the Pacific power grid.
10 percent of the crowd went into flare at the same time, and the resulting glow melted the ice caps at both poles!
CFS And Shopping
You come out of the grocery store and look for your Suburban. As you are looking, you notice your husband’s car in the parking lot. After wondering why your husband came to the grocery store too, you remember that you drove his car to the store.
Submitted by Tina J. – Thanks, Tina!
Reader e-mail about CFS and Fibromyalgia Humor:
Thanks so much for the FM/CFS humor page. I’ve sent it to friends family and posted in my medicine closet. It helps other understand what we with CFS/FM deal with in a lighthearted way.
When I was 15, it was growing pains.
At 25 I was a lazy over-achiever.. or was it drugs…
Age 35 I was told to have a baby, stop working so hard and get counseling for hypochondria.
45 years old… premenopausal, overweight, unmotivated – actually the doctor called me old, fat and lazy.
50 – In the last ten years I have: gotten my masters in health science, seen the last of my seven foster children become productive adults, learned to do sport massage from a wheelchair/paddle a kayak/jump a mountain bike, renovated two houses, married the bestest fella in the world, and TRIED to explain to the world why I have two speeds – “get out’ de way she’s a commin’ thru” and “no, no.. I’m quite all right, just allow me to lay here on the grass/floor/stairs for a couple minutes and I’ll creep up with you in a bit”.
So my new doctor tells me “memory loss is just a normal part of aging, build up your stamina, lift weights, jog, take a more active interest in life”.
And through it all… it’s not that hot- well you were fine yesterday? – come on! just a little more – why don’t you take a break, but first… – you’re too sensitive – how long are you going to just sit there? – WELL! if you don’t WANT to be with us… – if you’d just pay attention you’d remember these things…. And the kicker…
What did you do all day?!?!?
Ya’ gotta laugh. Thanks again!