Frugal Ethics – When Frugal Becomes Just Plain Cheap
There are times when it’s tempting to lie, steal or break one of the other 10 Commandments to get a good deal but, in living frugally, we all need to stick to being honest. This is not always easy to do, but I want to give some examples that may help you stay honest. Here are some common tactics that some people use that are unethical and sometimes illegal:
Stealing "Free" Merchandise - This one really irked me! We needed some labels for the business. UPS gives their customers free unlimited labels as needed for packing when shipping with UPS. We purchased labels from a lady on Ebay. When we received them, they arrived from the UPS shipping center. The lady told us that was her "other office"! What she did is take our money and then call UPS as if she were me and have them send me "free" labels. The gaul! I confronted her and reported it to UPS. I should have known it was a "too good to be true" deal! Incidentally, this particular lady had made tens of thousands of dollars on Ebay sales of UPS "free" labels. This is not only dishonorable, but illegal.
You need some pens because you are running short so you take a handful from a store that is giving them out. This is stealing. If you take one, that’s fine. Unless they tell you to take them all, it is tacky to take a large number of them. They’re offering them simply as a courtesy.
Limit One Per Customer specials. This is one of those gray areas. The store’s intention when offering "one per customer" is generally for each customer to get the deal only once. This really means you can buy one item one time, not go back three or four times to get more. Sometimes, they say limit one per purchase. If you make more than one purchase, it may be appropriate to go back more than once. If you’re not sure, ask the store manager. If your conscience is bothering you, pass it up. Sometimes stores offer special deals where they actually lose money. If they post a limit it is because they need a certain amount of sales to make up for the loss. If there’s no limit, buy everything if you wish. If there’s a limit, use your judgment.
You buy an item and you use it a few times and then return it because you’re done with it. Stealing and lying. You probably won’t tell the sales clerk you just needed to use it for a few times and even if you do, that’s only OK if it is a rental store. If an item breaks, doesn’t work or is not the right color, it is fine to return it. If you just needed it "for a few times" (like a dress for a special occasion) and know you won’t use it again, you’re stealing if you return it.
If you eat a food item with a guarantee on the box and it tastes nasty, return it. That’s why they offer a guarantee. If you eat the entire contents of the box first and return the mostly-empty box, it probably wasn’t actually nasty.
If you try to pass off your 14 year old child as a 12 year old so that you only have to pay for a child’s meal, you are lying and teaching your child that lying is good when it benefits you.
If you go to a restaurant where it is customary to tip, tip the customary amount (usually 15%) if the service is reasonably good. If you get good service and fail to tip, you are stealing from the server. If you can’t afford the tip, go to a restaurant where it is not customary to tip (like a fast-food restaurant). If your whole family shares one entree and your kids leave a mess of ground up crackers reaching out eight feet from the table in every direction, don’t just tip on the one entree. Tip on the work you create for the server.
If you find a "great deal" that you can’t live without but you don’t have the money in your checking account, don’t write a check. Let it be the "one that got away" If you knowingly write a bad check, you are stealing and lying.
If you find a "great deal", buy it and then hide it from your husband, you’re lying (unless it’s his birthday present 
. If you have to hide it, you know you’re doing something wrong.
If you charge up your credit cards with frivolous things like shopping and eating out and then declare bankruptcy, you are stealing from the credit card company and from everyone who does business with that company. Bankruptcy is intended to help people who end up financially strapped because of reasons beyond their control, like catastrophic medical expenses or the death of a spouse. It is unethical to declare bankruptcy because you went on a shopping spree, because you bought something you couldn’t afford when you bought it or because you decided to change careers and no longer want to pay the student loans for your old career. (With students loans, it’s not only unethical, it’s impossible. Student loans cannot be erased through bankruptcy and the government is getting very very very aggressive about collecting on them.) You signed that piece of paper when you purchased the item saying you would pay them back and you didn’t. It’s up to you to pay them back any (legal 
way you can, even if it does mean feeling "deprived" for a time.
One more thing about bankruptcy: It is unethical to incur lots of debt "keeping up with the Joneses" and then go bankrupt because the debt is so large. Many people look at others and say to themselves, "Those people are the same age as me. I work hard. I deserve that too." or "our house is too small" or "our car is a real clunker so we need to buy a brand need one to "save" on repair costs ( a huge myth, by the way!). If you can afford these things, by all means, buy them. If you can’t afford those things, find a way to make more money or learn to be happy with what you have.
Frugal living is about making good financial decisions. There are so many things you can do to spend your money more wisely, so when you think you can get a "good deal", but it requires doing something that hurts someone else, pass it up.
Whenever you’re in doubt about whether something is ethical, ask yourself if it would be OK with you if the situation were reversed and you were the person potentially coming up short. Be honest. We’ve all heard "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If you would object to others doing it to you, you better look for a better way to save.
-Tawra
From Dig Out Of Debt
photo by: neubie
Very well said. Phyllis
This article is absolutely right! Thank you for a noble and spiritual lesson.
A lot of the merchants I do business with are kind and generous people. They don’t deserve to be cheated. It would be wrong, regardless; but the fact remains that most people in business are working their hardest.
Wow! VERY eloquent! What we call a “Dutch uncle talk”. These are things we ALL need to think about as we go about our lives. Just because we can get away with something without getting caught doesn’t make it right. And yes, the Golden Rule is as important today as it was when it was first written down.
As a former server and the mother of a son currently employed as a server I truely appreciate the tip section! The rest is pretty great too.
Very well said and how true. I agree 100%
If you go to a restaurant where it is customary to tip, tip the customary amount (usually 15%) if the service is reasonably good. If you get good service and fail to tip, you are stealing from the server. If you can’t afford the tip, go to a restaurant where it is not customary to tip (like a fast-food restaurant).
This one throws me !! We tip 15- 20%, but to call it stealing if you don’t tip!!
Some people choose not to tip because of principals of mandatory tipping.We’ve noticed that servers “exspect” a tip for just bring the food/drinks to the table and then you never see them again until the bill comes. Owners should pay the servers more money or the server could get a job that pays more.
I would say stealing is a harsh word but hubby used to be a waiter. If you don’t agree with tipping then you shouldn’t go out to eat. I totally agree that if they don’t do a good job then they get a small tip but if the service is good then they should get a good tip.
If you are unsure if it is ethical. Ask a 5 year old.
they are sure to tell you in no uncertain terms and usually in a voice everyone hears for 3 aisles away.
When a grocery store has a limit on a sale I usually end up being in the store 3 times over the sale period and I get the item. But I do not make special trips just to get it.
One time when I was a waitress I got a note instead of a tip. I read the note and it was from an elderly couple and she wrote that they were celebrating and he had taken her out to eat which they rarely could afford. They told me the service was wonderful but they just couldn’t afford the tip as the restaurant was more expensive than they were told. They were still in the restaurant paying the bill so I cut 2 pieces of cake and gave it to them in a take out box saying celebrate a little more. Made me feel good to do that for them.
I know the do unto others is kind of not followed as much as it should be but I try to live by it all the time. If I get something that was not on my receipt by accident next time I am in the store I will tell the check out person and pay for it then.
If you don’t set an example for young people and others you end up with another generation of the me generation.
How sweet!!! That was so kind of you!
So true grandma. We often wonder where in the world our children get their bad habits or unthoughtful ways forgetting we as adults and parents are their main example.
There will always be selfish people. Nothing you can do about that. If someone goes out to eat, and a server works hard, and the customer doesn’t tip, that shows THEIR character. Not a good one. Also, in the Catholic Church we have a concept that is called, “a sin of omission.” It means that you didn’t do something you should have, and God doesn’t look favorably on that. If you can’t afford something, don’t make someone else suffer because of it.
Yes when you don’t tip in a restaurant you are stealing from the server. You may have a personal problem with restaurants paying servers practically nothing based on expections of how many tips they will receive, but that is not the problem of a poor working mother who is being paid $2.50 per hour based on the amount of tips she will receive. She is even being taxed by the IRS based on the assumption that she is going to receive a minimum of 8% tips on every transaction. She must report any tips she makes and is taxed accordingly but if you tip nothing then she is still going to have to pay taxes on your transaction for which she got nothing. That fits my defination of stealing. You are not punishing the corp. for their policy, you are punishing the waitress who has no control over corporate policy.
What I don’t understand why in the world did they ever start doing things this way. Why don’t they pay waitress proper wages like anyone else in the first place? I would think a restaurant would be like any other business and should pay their employees proper. I had a small business and had to pay my employees and I worked as a receptionist, with the public, but never got tipped if I helped them extra. I wonder why in years past we started it that way? Just curious but not wanting to open a can of worms.
If you are shopping at a major chain that states an item has a limit of 2 per visit or 2 per purchase these are loss leaders designed to entice you into the store knowing that the chances are good that you will make additional purchases while you are there. I do not feel I am doing anything wrong to retun to the store 3 times that week as that gives them 3 chances to entice me to make additional purchases. However if the store says 2 per family or two per person then they are trying to attract more or new customers and I do not feel like it is right for me to go back for additional visits of send my family members in to purchase additional items. Many high value coupons will say limit 1 per household and I feel that is their right to limit how much of a product they give at a loss or even free. It is not right to collect these coupons and go buy one, give one to your husband to purchase, and one to you teenager,etc..
If you want to tip a waitress or waiter or someone for cleaning your room at a motel. Do not add it to the credit card bill. Leave it for her or hand it to her, in cash. There is no record of it on any books and she does not have to declare it as income.
We use the credit card for trips and we never add the tip to pay with the bill. We always tip even when the service is lousy. It just seems right.
If the food is not good but the service is great she gets a bigger tip since we figure she has put up with a lot from all the customers complaining about the food.
sort of a funny story.
we had been camping and canoeing and traveling for 5 days. No decent place for a shower so we were tired and stinky. Went into a red lobster for dinner. The server asked us where we would like to sit. We said in the smoking section, in a corner not too near anyone. She took our order and we told her what the boys wanted and what we wanted and as she was leaving we said to come back with the drinks and the food and then stay away.
We sat and read books while waiting and talking while we ate.
We left her a $30. tip. As we were leaving we heard her telling another waitress that it was the best tip of the night and she didn’t do anything extra.
We had a good laugh and she had a good shift.
The one rule that I hate is when the staff gets tips and they have to split them between themselves. It just not sit right with me that someone does the work and has share the payment for it.
That would be like a brother mowing the neighbours yard for $20. then he comes home and has to give some of the money to the sister because she didn’t do a job for someone who paid.
That is just not fair. In my books anyway.
May I add a couple of thoughts on tipping? My daughter and I enjoy traveling on a budget. Last year we spent Christmas in New York City-not exactly a “budget” kind of trip generally speaking. I had packed a number of healthy and light weight foods in my bags and we would often eat these in our room. In order to get the extra soap, towels, drink glasses, etc. that we needed, I wrote our housekeeper a note with a $5.00 bill. I asked her to please leave extra over the days we would be there. Boy, did she come through for us!! Each day we had more than enough of the items we needed. I continued to leave small amounts of cash for her each day. I also bought her a small, wrapped Christmas gift to show our appreciation. I think my daughter learned some valuable lessons on kindness and and giving to others.
My husband and I always leave a 15% tip MINIMUM. Even with very bad service we tip but with a twist. My husband is a writer with an ascerbic wit. He put that talent on display in Dodge City, KS last year when we received HORRIBLE service at Montana Mikes. The chef cooked my steak next to salmon and the flavors mingled. I hate fish and I couldn’t eat the steak. The waitress argued with me for afew minutes, took my plate away, and never came back to offer me anything else except the check. We were shocked. I sat there with no food while my family struggled to eat in front of me. After the meal, my husband proceeded to fill that check with the most caustic and damning indictment of her behavior. In his tiny, immaculate, legible font, every square millimeter of that scrap was filled with his complaints.
After that we headed over to Applebee’s for some blondie walnut sundae to salve my wounds. It was delicious!
Grandma,
I hate to disagree with you but waitress’ are supposed to report their total tips at the end of the day whether in cash or credit cards. The company then withholds taxes based on the amount reported. I know many of them do not report any or all of their cash tips but if they are ever audited the IRS will get records from the employer comparing the total tips reported to the credit card receipts. If they are only reporting credit card tips then they are going to be slapped with a big fine and interest for under reporting their wages.
The IRS assumes that they receive a minimum of 8% tips on every transaction. If a waitress has tickets ( all of which are coded by who the server was) for 100 transactions then she better have reported all the credit card tips and at least 8% on all of the others or she is going to find herself in big trouble at some point. People who work for tips are some of the most frequently targeted people for IRS audits as they know they do not report accurately most of the time.
It doesn’t work the same in Canada as in the states.
Lots of things considered wrong in the States is not in Canada.
But things may have changed here as well. But we tip and it is up to the server to follow the rules.
Tips are not something to put on credit.
I just wanted to comment on ethics — I just read some frugal tips and a lady said she had been into crafting and would go to the cemetery and take discarded plastic flowers and decorations out of the dumpster. I have no problem with this, whatsoever. However, in the cemetery my family is in, I have seen women literally taking memorial plants from grave sites and packing their car trunks with them. This is just so wrong to me; I put plants and flowers, and grave blankets at Christmas on my parents graves out of respect and love, and I would just like to ask that everyone keep in mind they were purchased for a particular memorial, not to bulk up someone’s garden. I know that no one who posts here would do it, but it’s happened to me quite often, and it’s painful for me to come back the day after putting something out to see it or my dad’s flag missing.
Again, taking things thrown away is fine, this is just an ethical thing for me.
Thanks, this is one thing I hadn’t seen addressed before, and I just felt the need to say it –
Donna
Wow! I’ve taken them from dumpsters before but never off of someones grave. I just can’t believe some people are so tacky! Honestly I never thought that people would be so rude!
Stealing from a grave? Unbelievably disrespectful and rude. I thought I heard it all when a salesclerk at a Christian book store, told me people shoplift from their store, but stealing from graves even beats that!!!
The immemorial saying “do not do unto others what you don’t want them to do unto you” is at work in the ethics of frugality. I, for one thing had done some of the unethical things when it comes to frugality and this post had reminded me to mind other people’s businesses too. Thanks a lot.
Hmmmm…I really have to disagree with many of the comments on tipping. I once read a newspaper article on this subject that I completely agree with. The author was of the opinion that we are morally obliged to tip those who provide services who make less money than we ourselves do. Otherwise, not.
I think it is ethically the obligation of the employer to pay servers enough to live on. If I am paying $50 for a rare treat for my husband and I to eat out at a decent restaurant, and we are presently in approximately the same financial straits as the server, I think it is wrong — yes, morally wrong! — to say that we should have to pay an additional $7.50 for basic service that is part and parcel of eating out in a restaurant. Or maybe I should tell the server not to worry about it and that I will collect the plates of food from the kitchen myself? Let’s not be silly!
Tipping is an outdated convention and the practice of it makes no sense in this day and age. Historically, tipping began because the rich & privileged upper class felt that it would be kind to give the lowly service staff a small break. Well, our family income is very low income such that we would qualify for government assistance if we chose to benefit from it — how does it make any sense that we tip?
The “rules” of it don’t even make sense. Why do we tip waiting staff and not clerks at grocery stores? Why do we tip the bellboy and not the gas station attendant? Most service staff in restaurants are young people and they seek out those jobs because they know they make pretty darn good money on the tips.
If my husband and I receive particularly good service, we do leave an appropriate tip. Otherwise, we simply cannot afford it on top of babysitting at $15 an hour and a $50 meal (fairly cheap in Canada). I think it is absolutely wrong to suggest this is stealing.
Karen, I agree that tipping is just crazy and should be done away with but waiters and waitress here in the US make basically nothing if they don’t receive tips. ( Yes, I know they should just find another job if they don’t like it.) It’s a known fact that’s how they earn their income and if you don’t choose to tip then you should skip eating out if you can’t afford it.
On the subject of tipping, my home state (and I am sure we are not alone in this) has a bit of an employment crisis right now. People with degrees waiting tables, thankful for every quarter left for them, trying desperately to make ends meet. We all know what that’s like I’m sure, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. We’d be on a website called high_on_the_hog.com or something. Very few people actively pursue serving food as a career path by choice. You take whatever paycheck you can, even when it’s demeaning, laborious, and unremunerative.
Whether an individual approves or not, American society has declared tipping accepted and expected. Tips are part of the expense of going out. If you can’t afford to tip, if that extra $7 on top of the $50, is going to make your break you, then you can’t afford to eat out. Save the poor wait staff the extra work with no extra pay.
That being said, there are plenty of countries out there that don’t accept tips, and indeed consider the very idea rude and offensive (as if the employee is only doing a good job because they want a handout). I have recommended on more than one occasion that an anti-tipper save their pennies and relocate to one of these areas. Also, thank God or whatever deity you believe in that you’ve never had to rely on tips yourself. What’s that phrase? There but for the grace of God go I.
Sorry, I’m going to get off my high horse atop a soapbox. It’s getting precarious up here, anyway!
@ Mary all your “shoulds” don’t work in the real world. The owners aren’t going to pay servers more money. That is ridiculous to expect that. They are going to pay them the minimum that the state requires, which here in Ohio is $3.10 an hour. And the server chose to be a server BECAUSE of the tips, so to act like a server is greedy because they expect a tip is like saying the boy who knocked on your door and mowed your lawn and did a great job is greedy because he expects you to actually give him the $20 he asked for! The servers don’t EVER “Just” bring your food and drinks to the table. Obviously you’ve never been a server. They have sidework. They have to do things like get down on their hands and knees and scrub around the toilets in the men’s rooms, and empty out and wash huge tubs of soup, and go into the freezer and carry out slabs of meat. It is ignorant to say “Well all they do is carry the food and drinks to the table”. If you did that enough times a day, that alone would wear you out, and just think, for only $3.10 an hour. So in my opinion, cough up a decent tip, or go get your food and drinks yourself. Customers like you were the ones I couldn’t stand waiting on. And by the way, most servers aren’t qualified to “just go out and get a job that pays more”, especially in THIS economy.
~ a former Steak N Shake Waitress