I have been trying to practice what I preach, so I recently started clearing out piles of paperwork. As I was doing it I ran across this cute “Cathy” cartoon which I had to laugh at and I thought you moms would get a kick out of it. It goes like this:

It shows Cathy talking to her best friend and saying, “Just let me see if I have this straight, Andrea. If I become a housewife and cook meals, I’ll be a subservient slave… but if I were a chef in a restaurant, I’d bring dignity to all of womanhood.

If I spend my days cleaning bathtubs and toilets, my status as a female is equal to a groveling worm… but if I go to work for the sewer company, I’ll make headlines as a feminist star.

What’s the difference, Andrea?!?! What makes the same measly job an insult if you do it at home, but an honor if you make a career?!!?

Andrea answers, “MONEY!“

I just thought this was kind of funny. Oh and for those of you in the younger generation, a housewife is what they used to call a stay at home mom.

      -Jill

photo by: xtheowl

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Empty Nesters and Stay at Home Moms

We are new empty nesters. I have always worked at least part time and make decent money. However, now that the kids are gone, the budget is a little easier and we can make it easily on my husband’s income. I want to quit work and concentrate on doing things at home to make things easier on both of us. I am feeling guilty for doing that now, though, and wonder if it’s being too selfish.

      -Sunny

Sunny, I’m not sure why so many women feel guilty and selfish for staying home or wanting to stay home. You are suffering from false guilt. It happens all the time. We feel guilty not because we are doing anything wrong but because others have told us we shouldn’t do it since they themselves don’t agree with it.

You probably went to work with the idea that it would make your family life easier and more comfortable. Now you want to stay home to make your family life easier and more comfortable. You are accomplishing the same goal. You’re just doing it in two different ways. Why should working outside the home be more right than staying home when they both accomplish the same goal?

I was just talking to an empty nest couple yesterday where both spouses work. The couple is stressed to the max, meeting themselves coming and going. I too am an empty nester and I can honestly say I am almost busier now with my family than when my kids were living at home. Just because the kids are gone doesn’t mean your that life ends or that you aren’t just as busy.

The couple I talked to yesterday was really in a pickle. Their married daughter had to have emergency surgery and the daughter needed them to watch her baby for her. I told them that people are more stressed today because there is no one home to do things like go get the car tags, deal with the bills, prepare the meals and do the laundry. Most of us are trying to squeeze these things into a couple of hours at the end of a work day.

I don’t know when we are going to wake up and realize that doing all of these things takes just as much time and can easily be as much work as a full time job. We can’t just make taking care of our homes and personal business an afterthought at the end of the day with the attitude that if we squeeze them in, it’s fine and if not, oh well. When we do this, things start piling up and getting more complicated and that is where the chaos comes in.

Families get stressed when they don’t have clean clothes or home cooked meals and they live in a messy, unorganized house. We are trying to fix the wrong thing. We think that if we work longer hours making more money it will get rid of the stress but all it does is add more stress.

I am the first person my kids call when they are at the emergency room and need someone to come pick up the kids for them. I am the first one my kids call to watch the grandkids when they need to go to the bank trying to get a bank loan, to load the moving van or to bring cookies to a grandchild’s school party. I am the first one my neighbor calls when she needs some kind of help at her house. I can do so many things for others and those I love that I could never do if I worked. For me, I would have felt guilty working.

I always find it interesting that "women’s libbers" say you need to put yourself first, make sure you have "me" time, do things for your creative side and so on but if someone in your position decides to stop working and stay at home, the same people often try to make you feel like you are being selfish. Didn’t they say you should put yourself first, make sure you have "me" time and do things for your creative side? When you decide to stay at home to accomplish that, you are made to feel guilty. Be careful– Just because you decide to do something in a way that is different from the way someone else thinks it should be done does not make your way wrong.

Besides, have you thought that maybe your family doesn’t need more of your money but more of you? Even if you don’t have grandchildren and your kids don’t need you, you have done your job. You have raised your children, working hard at the same time and are now comfortable. It’s time for you to reap the rewards of all your hard work and if that means you want to stay at home and enjoy it, I say go for it.

One of the most freeing things that ever happened to me was when a pastor’s wife told me that false guilt is one of the things Satan uses to make God’s people miserable and so many people, especially women, fall for it all the time. You decide with your husband what is best for you two and then just go for it.

The bottom line is this: Making more and more money isn’t the total of what life is all about and it’s not where all, or even most, of our happiness should come from.

      -Jill

P.S. For those of you who need more information to help you decide if you should be a stay at home mom or to learn how to be a stay at home mom, I have just typed the last page for a new book on this subject, so keep your eyes peeled for it. We will let you all know when it is ready.

If you would like to know Jill’s story about how she raised 2 teenagers on $500 per month, check out the Penny Pinching Mama e-book.

Photo By: Ann Oro

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This is an older post from April 2007 but applies still to this day.

This has been one of those weeks. I’ve been sick with a bad cold for almost 2 weeks, the baby (our 3rd) has been sick for over a week and now has an ear infection and now everyone else is getting sick. On top of that we are trying to sell the house so I can’t just let "anything go".

Yesterday I was on the verge of just collapsing. I tried and tried to get myself motivated to do something but I just couldn’t. I kept thinking "I just don’t know why I can’t get myself to do anything". As I was talking to mom she said "you need to go easy on yourself." "You are sick, have sick kids, a baby who still gets up 1-2 times a night, you’re selling your house, have chronic fatigue syndrome, are trying to run a website and are just plain worn out."

Ok, I had all this written and then mom piped in with the rest. So I will let her finish what I was saying.

Tawra

Oops! Sorry for butting in daughter dearest. : )This is too funny. For a couple of weeks I have been mulling over a post in my head and was thinking about calling it "Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself." I spend so much of my time trying to motivate people to get up and start doing things that I thought I needed to address those who give 150% and need to lighten up on themselves. Then I happened upon this draft post that Tawra wrote this morning and I thought I would add my two cents.

Sometimes some of us push ourselves so much more than even God expects of us. He continually tells us, "Come unto me and I will give you rest," or, "Be still and know I am God." He even told us to take one whole day of the week just to take it easy but we keep pressing on trying to do more and more and wondering why we are so tired and frustrated.

In one of my favorite songs there is a line that I think fits what we are talking about. God is saying to the Christian, "If just a cup of water I place within your hand, then just a cup of water is all that I demand". Don’t compare yourself to others or try to do more than what God expects of you. He has given you just the right amount of everything so do the best you can with what you have. As much as I don’t like laziness there are times when doing way more than we should is wrong and is just as harmful to our families as not doing anything at all.

If you are ill, a single parent, growing older, have a small income, etc. do the best you can and then let God take care of the rest.

I think I will post the words of the song I mentioned above. They have always helped me to put things in perspective and I hope they help you too.

-Jill

Follow Me
by Ira Stanphill

 I traveled down a lonely road and no one seemed to care; The burden on my weary back had bowed me to despair. I oft complained to Jesus how folks were treating me. And then I heard Him say so tenderly:

My feet were also weary upon the Calv’ry road The Cross became so heavy I fell beneath the load Be faithful weary pilgrim the morning I can see Just lift your cross and follow close to me.

I work so hard for Jesus I often boast and say I’ve sacrificed a lot of things to walk the narrow way I gave up fame and fortune; I’m worth a lot to Thee And then I heard Him gently say to me.

I left the throne of glory and counted it but loss; My hands were nailed in anger upon a cruel Cross but now we’ll make the journey with your hand safe in mine; Just lift your cross and follow close to Me

O Jesus if I die upon a foreign field some day ‘Twould be no more than love demands; No less could I repay. No greater love hath mortal man than for a friend to die. These are the words He gently spoke to me

If just a cup of water I place within your hand then just a cup of water is all that I demand. But if by death to living they can thy glory see I’ll lift my cross and follow close to thee.

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From: Michelle

Just wanted to give a response on the budgeting. I realize that sometimes recording every receipt is a pain, but I found out some interesting things when I actually did it. For 2006 I recorded my husbands and my income to the penny. Then I recorded all the expenses from our bank statements and ATM receipts. Then I recorded any cash receipts (against the cash withdrawn).What we found astounded us. We had spent pretty much my net checks and an extra $6,000 of his checks on unnecessary expenses.

Too tired to cook after long days, we found ourselves saying, "Lets just stop at a restaurant", "Oh lets just run through fast food for lunch or breakfast" or "How about a soda or coffee?" Well all that added up.

I am now not working, we are rarely eating out, and with one less income we are actually able to put more in savings than we did before. My husband does not mind my staying home (I have always worked) so I get some odds and ends done around the house that he does not have to try and do when he gets home now, so he feels less stress.

I plan on trying to work from home at some point, but it is not necessary to survive. I help with minor repairs around the house, painting, mowing the yard and such with all my new found spare time. You never really know HOW MUCH you are spending until you take a GOOD HARD LOOK at it.

Thanks for your website. It is what inspired me to check out our lifestyle spending.

Tawra’s Reply

One thing most people don’t realize is just how much money can be saved by staying home and not working. Meals eaten out alone can cost thousands. Just doing stuff around the house like painting the house, garage saleing, bargain grocery shopping can make staying home worth it. not only that but all the day care costs, gas, second car maintenance and repair, insurance and payments really add up. A lot of people don’t add up the true expense of working. There are times women could save MORE money by staying home than by working. It really pays to check and see if all those hours working really are bringing in more money.

P.S. We love your comments but any time we mention certain subjects we get swamped with comments from readers who are feeling defensive. One of those subjects is women working outside of the home. We are not making a statement about women working outside of the home in this article. We are talking about knowing what is happening with your money and how, sometimes, your working isn’t helping with your income as much as you thought and may actually be hurting you so please try to keep your comments along those lines.

Thanks so much!

For more easy and practical ways to save money and get out of debt, check out Dig out Of Debt and learn more about how to keep more of your money.

photo by: Tracy O

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The Mom Song

This is just too funny! All you moms will totally appreciate it! Anita Renfroe (the author of the song) sang this at the church we were attending at the time and everyone just died laughing. I hope you enjoy the good laugh! Tawra

Click here to see it!

photo byaudreyjm529

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How Pleasant Is Your Home?

I read a lot of Grace Livingston Hill books and in one of them she refers to a woman’s home and her responsibility in the home. She said the responsibility was "to make it pleasant for those to whom she had been given."

I really started thinking about those words. I was to make my home pleasant for those whom I had been given. My home (husband and/or children too) are special gifts and treasures that have been given to me too. I wonder how often we disappoint God because we abuse and neglect those treasures that He has given us after having faith and confidence that we would take care of them and treasure them in the same way He does.

If we were given precious jewels, we would polish them, store them to protect them from nicks and tarnishing and see that they were carefully maintained. We wouldn’t allow them to become buried and forgotten under piles of dirt and dust and stuff. Do we care for our homes and families in the same way we would care for a treasure– by making sure they are well maintained and cared for?

If you give a gift of great value to one of your children, how do you feel when you find it lying out in the rain and weather being neglected? We have all been given a special gift – our homes yet so many of us neglect them or regard them as unimportant.

It doesn’t matter if that home is small or large, if it is in a great part of town or a not so great part of town. We have a responsibility as women to make our homes pleasant for those we love. Men and children can’t do this. That doesn’t mean they can’t help take care of your home but they don’t have the ability to make a home "pleasant" in the same way that a woman can. Don’t worry guys– you have other very special gifts and jobs we gals don’t have and I am speaking in general terms. I know there are always exceptions.

Let me give you an example. We just got through painting Tawra’s house. As we were painting it, we were talking about how none of the male members of our family and extended family like to paint. They hate it. A majority of guys don’t like to paint unless it is for profit.

I said, if left to themselves, I bet most men would never paint one thing (except maybe their cars :). They couldn’t care less if the walls of a house ever got painted or if curtains were ever put on a window. Most men would probably never put anything on a plate, instead eating their food straight from a can and drinking from a carton.

Why? Because men think in terms of comfort and necessity and painted walls or curtains don’t fit into either category. Those things only spell unnecessary work and painted walls do not add to their physical comfort at all. Eating out of a can– well that means one less dish to wash.

That leads to this next statement from the same book  "Home without a woman… was a shell with the spirit gone." We add the spirit to our home. Yes, you can live without painted walls, curtains and decide to eat out of cans but painted walls, curtains and such are what add that spirit to our homes. They are what make a home "pleasant."

Have you made your home pleasant? Does your family hate having to leave it each morning and can’t wait to get home at the end of the day or do they dread coming home? What kind of spirit is in your home? One of warmth, comfort and joy or is it cold, dirty, tired and unkempt?

Only you can make a house a home. God has given you a special gift and treasure. Don’t neglect it. Appreciate it and take care of it.

       -Jill

photo by: indieman

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Hello, Tawra and Jill!

I love your site and have been checking it every day for the past 4 years. My hubby and I are thrilled to have learned we are 6 weeks pregnant. We are ready and feel that we have prepared our budget for baby, but I was hoping you may have some interesting or frugal tips for a first-time mother. Of course, I have the urge to go buy everything new, but I am determined to fight it!! Any advice you could post or put together, even if it’s in your blog or as an article would be greatly appreciated.

Your frugal friend and EXCITED first-time mom,
Jessica

The best thing I did was buy everything at yard sales and thrift stores. There is a ton of new stuff at these places from people who get way too many baby gifts.

When I had my first, I think we spent about $200 total on everything. Family gave us a crib and we bought a new car seat for $60-$80 (I don’t remember for sure– it’s been 10 years.:-) Everything else, including all the cloth diaper supplies, were bought at yard sales.

I had to re-buy everything when my 3rd and 4th were born so I went though it again and it still wasn’t more than a couple hundred dollars if that much.

The thing is, even though it would be fun to buy all brand new stuff, they grow out of it so fast that you hardly get to use some things! I mean really fast! We’re talking just a couple of weeks and they can be in a different size. I know people who have spent thousands on baby stuff, some of which they never used because the baby was born so big!

We chose not to spend that much so we can give our kids a secure home with the bills paid where we aren’t fighting over money. We would rather that they have loving and kind parents who are not stressed over money than to give them a bunch of stuff they won’t even remember.

Save the money for when they get older. Then you can buy them a few new gifts and they will appreciate it more.

      -Tawra

Tips from a grandma

Babies really need much less than what you think. My first baby (Tawra) was born in the heat of the summer. All she needed was a onesie or a t-shirt. I had a few cute dresses and outfits for church but we weren’t going out that often so I didn’t need much. Decide what you need for clothes and the cut it in half. You will probably be doing a load of laundry every day anyway so most things will be clean for the next day.

You don’t really need a crib when they are first born. My son slept in a borrowed bassinet for 6 months and we could have put him in a large box the first couple of months if we had needed to. Tawra’s kids have slept in a playpen until they were almost 2 (She’s never had room for a crib).

I never had a changing table or anything like that. If things are tight, you can do without a lot.

A new baby doesn’t need any toys at all. The one thing I suggest is that a mobile makes a great gift for grandparents or favorite aunts or uncles to get for the baby. A mobile is great for baby’s crib and/or over the changing table because they like to look at the things that hang from it. 

I suggest that you get only the basics like a car seat, diapers and a small amount of clothes and blankets. Then get the rest after baby comes and you have a better idea what you really need.

For more tips to help you save money on kids’ expenses, check out our Saving With Kids e-books.

      -Jill

photo by: normanack

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by Lydia Sherman
from HomeLiving.com

Mom and I have always had "issues" with our houses. I always kept thinking I wasn’t content with what I had because every house I lived in has never worked for me and I was always trying to think of ways to get it to work better. I keep trying to make due with what I have and am always frustrated! Everyone kept saying that I needed less stuff but I use a good portion of the stuff I have so why should I get rid of it? I have a horrible time keeping clutter under control but that’s only because I have no where to put things. (meaning no storage cabinets or closets)

Mom and I have real issues with modern houses too. We will go to these open houses for brand new "family" homes and think things like:

Why do they have a laundry room so small that you can barely turn around in it and then you have to fold clothes on the couch?

Why is the teeny tiny laundry "room" on the way from the garage into the house and you have to step over everything to get out the door?  Why is it in the middle of the hallway or kitchen? Why is it downstairs and all the bedrooms upstairs?

Why is there no mud room and shoes and backpacks are dumped by the front door?

Why is it that you can’t even open your car door in a 2 car garage and easily get out the kids and groceries?

Why do you have to hike across half the house to haul the groceries?

Why is there no linen or storage closets? Where do you put things like family games, holiday decorations etc.? Where do you store the vacuum and the broom and mop?

Right now Mike and I are looking for a new house and with EVERY house I have to think "can I change this bedroom into a laundry room?"  "Can I move the patio doors so the eat in kitchen won’t have a chair knocking the glass door at each meal?" "Where can I add more cabinets for storage space?" etc.

Well, mom found this article by Lydia Sherman at Home Living and it expressed EVERYTHING we have been feeling! (I almost fell over when I read the last paragraphs, it was like she read my mind!) She very kindly allowed us to re-print it on our site for you. I hope you will enjoy it and please head over to Home Living and read her comments on designing a house after you are done! ! It’s a long read but if you have always had problems with your house then if it’s the only thing you read this week please read this!!!!! Tawra (who is going to going to the house construction business!)

The Effect of Architecture on Home Living

Americans wonder why their houses lack charm…charm is dependent on connectedness, on continuities, on the relation of one thing to another.."
"Houses have become utterly charmless, lacking in the capacity to inspire…"
"The finest Gothic dwellings were sheer enchantments, passports to another place and time." (The above quotes are also included in the next to last chapter of Linda Lichter’s book on Victorian life, "Simple Social Graces" or "The Benevolence of Manners." Both titles are the same text)

House Design by Alexander Jackson Davis, architect(1815-52)


American Homestead
Framed Art Print
Landry, Paul
Buy at AllPosters.com

I will begin by saying that I never felt as isolated, restless, trapped or jailed in the log home built by my father and mother in the wilderness (you can see photographs of it in my book, "Just Breathing the Air.") My parents, with no architectural training, knew what they wanted in a house that would be a home and they managed to put it there using their instincts. I never felt so lonely, and I never felt overwhelmed with housework and storage space (even in a family of 9) in that simple two storey house, as I did thereafter when I began living in the modern neighborhoods. After my son in law began to uncover the schemes behind modern architecture, both my daughter and I began to understand why these houses had such a debilitating effect on our lives. Here, I will attempt to explain.

Two Story Cottage
Art Print
Jaye, Merryl
Buy at AllPosters.com

The homestead, as isolated and primitive as it was, was humming with activity and life. It was a real home, with windows overlooking the scenery. We slept upstairs where the heat collected from the wood stove, and where we felt safe from intrusion. You can see diagrams of the floor plan in my book. It had no matching appliances but there was always a feeling in it that I could never produce in the modern tract home. There was always someone coming down the home road to see us, whether it was the mail delivery with a package, or a neighbor. Even a bill collector got invited in for a cup of coffee. There seemed to be never a dull moment and even the quiet times were fulfilling.

Lakefront Home
Art Print
Chiu, T. C.
Buy at AllPosters.com

In comparison, my experience in modern housing was quite the opposite. At first I was excited, after so far away for so long. I thought I would be around people and that there would be more interaction, but I did not see people. Instead, I saw the back of their cars as they left their houses. If I did have company, I had to be careful that visitors did not park in neighbor areas and that we did not disturb the neighborhood in any way. Neighbors were not neighborly and everything was impersonal. I woke up to bleakness I’d never known before, and many other homemakers said the same thing. Part of this was due to the modern architectural planning of houses and neighborhoods. The homemakers eventually went to work, as the isolation of these neighborhoods was just too much for them. The neighborhoods and houses seemed to be designed to make people want to leave home.

Autumn Breeze
Art Print
Humphries,…
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Together Tonight
Art Print
Lewan, Dennis…
Buy at AllPosters.com

I want to congratulate the 20th and 21st century homemakers who really made homes and conducted good family lives inside these limited houses. They overcame the worst odds and embellished them, sometimes adding gates, dormers, porches, columns, window boxes, shutters, gardens and windows, and other architectural salvage, in order to transform them with life and beauty. They created doorways and arches and all kinds of things to make the house memorable, and even inspire artists. All over the web I see these make-overs and I have to say to the modern architect who embraced these (what I call "prison designs") styles, that these women overcame the limitations and did a greater job than the Victorian women even had to, in order to make the homes livable. The women who make these "shabby shacks," which had no architectural advantages, into livable homes are to be congratulated. In this respect, they had more fortitude and determination than any Victorian woman ever had to have.

Spring Patio I
Stretched Canvas Print
Kim, Sung
Buy at AllPosters.com

The 20th century "progressives" (often referred to as modernists) sought to throw off authority and restraint and basic principles in just about everything. They rebelled against the manners and the sensibilities of their Victorian parents and grandparents, and attempted to make it fashionable to strip everything of its outer facade. They ended up with buildings minus entry ways and embellishments, clothing without structure, art without beauty, music and poetry without rhythm, meter or even sense, literature laced with despair, and religion without good foundations.

One such person happened to be the granddaughter of Catherine Beecher. Catherine herself, of whom I have previously written of in this blog, was a Victorian, who thought homes should be light and airy and friendly to the home maker. Her granddaughter, a twentieth century modernist, wrote in her rebellion, " We are, after all, just animals. All we need is stalls to live in."
She advocated plain houses with no view and no furniture and no embellishments or color. Her rebellious writings made me wonder if she was just trying to get out of keeping house.

Lazy Afternoon
Art Print
Sakhavarz, Alan
Buy at AllPosters.com


I have discussed at length in previous articles at the Lady Lydia Speaks column at LAF, the effect of the rejection of responsible moral principles on art, showing an example of art from the 19th century which was easily recognizable, and comparing it to a piece from the 20th century with only black scribbles on it. Today I would like to compare the 20th century architecture that we had to live in, with the homes of our Victorian parents and grandparents.

Grandmother’s Doorway
Art Print
Graves, Abbott…
Buy at AllPosters.com

Have a look at the old Victorian neighborhoods. You can take a drive around the streets of almost any town and see the years go by: Victorian, 1920′s bungalows, 1930′s and 40′s wartime homes, 1950′s homes, and then the 60′s and 70′s….you can identify them by their style. Usually there are several streets that begin in the 1800′s and then after a few blocks you can see the next century. One thing that stands out supreme in the Victorian neighborhoods, even in the crowded row houses of some towns, is that each "Victorian" is different in style and color, making it very interesting. As I said, Victorian wasn’t really a style of its own. It borrowed from many different styles, has many different roofs, porches, gables, pillars and columns, verandas and porches, steps. Each house is different. This explains somewhat why letters could just be addressed to the family, with no number on the street. You could find the house because you knew the Jones or the Smiths lived in the blue Queen Anne next to the yellow Georgian. Compare this to the modern tract homes (the homes built by contractors, squeezed onto a plot of land), are so similar in color and style that it is not easy to identify your friend’s house. I have old post cards that have only the name of the person and the town they live in. I realize the population has grown, which entails a new address system with numbers on the houses, but I do think the tract homes lack that identifying charm that says "this is our HOME. I think it really shows spunk in the 21st century men and women to paint these houses they are stuck with, an identifying color, and add trim and porches to them.

Home Sweet Home
Giclee Print
Currier & Ives
Buy at AllPosters.com

The Victorians architects were people like Alexander Jackson Davis, and Andrew Jackson Downing. You can tell their mothers admired one of the presidents of the time, Andrew Jackson. I will mention other architects of the time, later on, but these are two that I want to focus on, who had in their minds, cozy homes for families of the 19th century.

You can read about Alexander Jackson Davis and see some of his designs here
http://www.fredericklawolmsted.com/ajdowning.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Jackson_Davis

http://www.amazon.com/Apostle-Taste-1815-1852-Creating-Landscape/dp/0801862574
A few months ago I found a free online printable book by Davis and Downing, full of lovely family homes, in which he describes how they can be lived in, adding remarks like, "Just plant an apple tree on the side…etc." I cannot find that book at this time, but it is there, somewhere.

A.J. Downing, with whom Davis collaborated on a book of houses for common people, said, "There must be nooks and crannies about it, where one would love to linger…cozy rooms where all domestic fireside joys are invited to dwell." I felt this on the homestead in various corners of the "big house" as we called it. I did not feel it in the modern tract houses.

The Victorians built up, instead of out. The modernist created the ranch or the "rambler," which was aptly named, for in it, the homemaker finds herself walking what seems like the length of a ranch, and literally "rambling" all day from one end of the house to the other. What she needs is usually at the end of the house where she is not, and once she gets there she has to walk all the way back, to use it. These houses, though they have ample expanse, have never had the kind of storage spaces women needed in order to keep their homes uncluttered.

Fairy Tale Time
Art Print
Jaye, Merryl
Buy at AllPosters.com

Building out also meant that bedrooms were on the ground level. In my opinion this invited prowlers, and then fear of prowlers caused us to install extra precautions, such as bars on the windows and hedges to block out all scenery. On the ground level, people in bedrooms hear every single noise, from the door rattling in the wind, to a creak in a window at night. In order to escape this uneasy feeling at night, children in those kinds of homes will often forgoe the "privilege" of having a room of their own apiece, and choose their parents’ room to sleep in at night.

Reminiscing
Art Print
Saunders, Bill
Buy at AllPosters.com

The Victorian (which consisted of several popular styles, including Greek Revival, Gothic, Italiante, Farmhouse, Cottage, and more) custom of building UP, did a lot for the property. We complain about there being only breathing space between houses in modern neighborhoods, and that they are little more than glorified apartments when they are so close to the next house. The Victorian homes being built UP meant more out-lying property surrounding the house. In other words, they were not "rambling" all over the place. This meant they were able to use their imagination to create wonderful gardens, like extra "rooms" to sit in, walk in, muse in, pray in, and look on with appreciation.

Together Tonight
Art Print
Lewan, Dennis…
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Victorian homes were built by husbands and fathers or hired to be built by them, for their beloved wives and daughters and family members. These homes were so loved and valued that they were often handed down throught the generations until they literally wore out. It takes a lot of living and a lot of abuse and a century to ruin the Victorian houses, but the modern tract home takes only a few months to destroy with careless living. That is something to think about.

The modern home was built for quick access. The gardens were not emphasized because the property was created to accomodate what I call in this fast-food era, "fast families," which will enable them to drive up quickly in their car, alight into the kitchen from the garage, eat, take a shower, and then get ready to go "somewhere else," paying little attention to the layout and the gardens or anything else in the home. They wouldn’t need to spend much time in it so they wouldn’t notice that there were no architectural interest. After all, it was just for resale value, not a home to be passed to the next generation.

Lacking porches or balconies, families have no special places to go, so they just want to get out and go somewhere else. It keeps society moving around daily, nightly and yearly, looking for some place they can feel comfortable. Many modern houses are poorly lit, and inadequately heated or cooled. Sometimes they feel more like institutional buildings than homes.

Tea at Glenbrook
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Colclough, Susan…
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The architecture of the homes of the 19th century inspires tours of these great houses that have been saved and restored. I wonder how much touring the next generation will do of the modern tract home. I can just hear the guide, saying, "Notice the easy access to this house. They didn’t have to walk down a walkway, and there were no gardens to bother with. The 20th century citizen had all these embellishments removed, including porches and gazebos, so he could concentrate on intellectual things, making money, climbing the career ladder… the doors were hollow, in order to save expense, the roofs were not pitched, because that was an unnecessary affectation. Of course, there was some leakage from the ceiling, but modern water-proofing took care of that. You could just spray it on and eliminate the holes." Again, I say, with the obviously quick access to the entry of these new houses, I wonder that the architect even bothered with a door. Perhaps it would have been more "efficient" to have the passenger suctioned from the car down a tube straight into a chair in the kitchen, where food would be automatically served.

Sunny Monday
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Blish, Carolyn
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Windows of the modern homes I’ve lived in were, more often than not, too high to look out of. Many children grew up without window seats or the pleasure of sitting near a window and just looking outside. The huge plate-glass windows often used in the living rooms, were sometimes a magnate for hot sun, making it impossible to sit in that room in the summer. Breaks in plate glass entails expensive replacements. They paned windows of the Victorian designs were easy to replace, and should one pane be cracked, you could at least tape it up or put a piece of paper in that one pane until it could be replaced. Modern homes do not have enough over-hang of the roofs to create the shade that is needed to shield the home from intense heat and light.

Shades of Spring
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Masters, Sherry
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I once lived in an older home and noticed how thoughtful the design seemed to be. It was as though the architect said, "I know the lady of the house will be writing letters in the morning, and reading her mail, therefore, her desk will go with this window to capture the morning light," or "if there is an artist in the house, this northern room will be perfect for a little studio." In the kitchen, a woman could easily step out a door into a little garden to get fresh herbs and vegetables for a soup. In a modern tract home, we often have to walk around to an awkward area and don’t even get there in time to chase away the neighbor’s cat.

Yarmouth
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Brown, Betsy
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Kitchens in modern homes seem to be merely alley-ways between two points in the house. Someone is always walking through with laundry to put in the laundry room, or coming in from the side door on their way to some other room. This kind of traffic creates more housekeeping, and also more traffic jams. The so-called "efficiency kitchen," which was designed to reach over and open the fridge, use the stove, and turn on the faucet, in one or two steps, are not efficient when it comes to serving a meal, or working together as a family. The farmhouse kitchens were also the eating areas and provided much more room and made much more sense. Homemakers will understand, I am sure!

Fruhling
Art Print
Weber, Max
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There is much more I can say about the modern home and I will briefly cover some of the other problems. For one, the children’s bedrooms are on the outer areas of the house, which I do not believe is safe. Sometimes they even face the street, and have a street light pouring into the room at night. The Victorian bedrooms were usually upstairs. In upper rooms, it would be more difficult for passers-by to be seen in the window, or for anyone to peek in unless they took a great deal of trouble to get a ladder and risk their neck doing so. Upstairs will collect more heat in winter, as heat rises, and keep the children’s room warmer. Upstairs, you hear fewer noises than when you sleep downstairs, and can rest better. Bathrooms are often put in even stranger areas with no windows for fresh air. Pity the poor person in the tub when the electric current goes off, in one of those modern bathrooms.

Morning Glory
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Strubel, Klaus
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Now let me move on to the neighborhoods that these poor homes were relegated to. It is interesting to see the diabolical design behind "suburbia." I don’t know if anyone ever has felt, especially if you were born in the 40′s or 50′s, that they don’t feel like they belong to their town, or that their town or neighborhood is no longer like home, or that they just don’t feel it is even their country anymore…well, you are not going crazy. It has something to do with the way houses and neighborhods of the 20th century were designed.

Little Piece of Heaven
Art Print
Strubel, Klaus
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First of all, houses had no porches, verandas, steps, walkways, court yards entry ways, parlors,
or over-hang from the roofs. You arrived at the house and you were suddenly "in." You have no breathing space, no time for thought, no time for recollection. You are transported rapidly from the train or the car to the inside of the house. Without an entry way to even cause a pause in your breath, there you are, right in the living room, with nowhere to put your hat or coat or bag. I wonder that the architects even took the trouble to put a front door on these houses, since no one uses it. They usually come in through the side door from within the garage. Is it any wonder that people suffer from claustrophobia, panic attacks, depression, and general disturbance of the heart?

Working on Chores
Art Print
Coleman
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Some of the older homes of the 19th century may look a little bleak at first, but you can imagine that they were once busy places where children had something to do, with spaces that meant something to them. The modern tract home seems to lack this feeling of belonging. At least, many of the homes of the previous generations were actually owned by the occupants. Today, many women express this common sentiment: I would rather have a run down old house and own it outright than have all these modern things and have to pay so much interest and never get out of debt.

Spennymoor Manor
Art Print
Mock, Barbara
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I learned that these neighborhoods were deliberately designed to shut out your neighbors. Without front porches, we no longer sat on the them and observed the comings and goings and the behavior our our own and the neighbor’s children. We were unable to see when a crime was committed. We could not observe anything that was going on. With the windows facing our neighbor’s house, we could not look out without our neighbor thinking we were peering into his house, so we shut the drapes and retreated to the privacy of the back yard.

If one attempts to go for a walk in their neighborhood, they must pass within very close proximity of their neighbor’s front windows, and feel self-conscious that they are intruding on private property. Even the barrier of a side walk does not remove that feeling. The whole design makes us all more suspicious of our neighbor rather than loving of our neighbor.

Cape Cod Cottage
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Landry, Paul
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There is much more behind the scenes scheming in the devlopment of modern architecture. Whereas most architects of the past felt responsible to lift up mankind to acknowledge the presence of God, and to ennoble his soul through beauty and design that glorified God, the moderns of the 20th century stripped archecture of any embellishment or beauty, reasoning that it was "primitive, " or " conceited," and lacking in "meaning." They substituted it with their own "interpretation," which involved the belief that man had evolved and was more closely related to animals. He only needed a stall to live in and a place to eat. He could live without ornaments of beauty or gardens or flowers or windows to look out of.

Many women in modern homes with all the ammenities and conveniences and appliances they could wish for, have expressed the most fantastic sentiments, that would make the designers of these neighborhoods cringe. For example,

"I would rather live in a tent and own it outright, and have a great deal more nature to look at."

"I could actually do more with an older, broken down home, to make it livable and beautiful, than in this new house."

"I’d rather live in the house I grew up in…it seemed so much more like a real home."

"I have trouble adjusting to this house. Why should we "adjust" to a house? Shouldn’t houses be things we are drawn to and enjoy, without having to agonize over all the problems they have?"

"Drapery is too expensive in these modern homes. That is why I use a blanket over the window."

I can relate to all these problems. The older homes did not seem to have so many things to adjust to. Alexander Jackson Davis, said, "A house should have nooks and crannies about, where one would love to linger…" In a modern home I was always wanting to take out walls and make more space, but in older homes, I loved the little spaces that existed. They seemed to be designed with a purpose and the contentment we felt in those kinds of houses was much more than in a modern structure.

Sunset on Lamplight Lane
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Kinkade, Thomas
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One French architect that my s.i.l. had to study, claimed that all we needed was houses designed as cars. Another architect of dubious character and a questionable home life, claimed all you had to do was ask a brick what it wanted to be. "I said to the brick, ‘brick, what do you want to be? It answered me, ‘I want to be an arch.’ " Today this man’s structures sit in modern decay, begging for money to resurrect them. One of these architects created a structure with airplain wings for the roof. The professor proudly told my son-in-law that this designer wanted to make the world a better place, and this piece was an expression of that. My son in law, older now, and more wise to the ways of modernists, said, "Just a minute. Please explain to us how that structure makes the world a better place." The teacher fell over his own words trying to get out of explaining it because the challenge startled him and he was not prepared to explain it.
To emphasize how a home can either be conducive to family life and family love, or be errosive, I found this quote by famed 20th century architect, Frank Lloyd Wright:

"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. "

He also knew that architecture had a strong effect on the human mind, for he said that he could design a house that could cause a divorce in a matter of weeks.

Road to Lighthouse
Art Print
Chiu, T. C.
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I believe we should hold designers and architects responsible for what they do. In a free market system, every architect and designer should have to go back to the houses they created and ask the dwellers how they are getting along. It would be interesting to see if there are more family quarrels, more stress, less efficiency, less relaxation, or more family cohesiveness in the homes they live in. If the family expressed dissatisfaction, the designers would get a bad grade. Architecture schools would thrive only based on the reputation of the students they produced with their curriculums–whether or not that person’s work was good and lasting, and whether o not the homes were desireable. Surveys would have to be produced that included how much crime was committed in those neighborhoods, divorce, family quarrels, and general discontent. That is not to say that human problems are the the entire fault of architecture, but just to show how bad architecture does contribute to some problems.

Enchanted Garden
Art Print
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I was unable to find paintings of modern homes to include here, as artists do not seem to be inclined to paint sentimental pictures of them, for some reason. Thomas Kinkade’s paintings are now being adapted into actual building blueprints for homes.

For more about Andrew Jackson Downing, check here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_Jackson_Downing

http://www.fredericklawolmsted.com/ajdowning.htm

(A design by A.J. Downing in the 1800′s)

"Every house musthave something in its aspect which the heart an fasten upon and become attached to…" A.J. Downing

Online book of Alexander Jackson Davis house plans http://books.google.com/books?id=KuWL9UnyEWQC&dq=alexander+jackson+davis&printsec=frontcover&source=web&ots=iYnm5gk9wO&sig=JocedDS0ePT6QV6oeCABoZignFU
Addition (Oct. 1, 2007): My son in law has asked me to ask readers to post their observations of the effect of architecture on their moods and their daily life for some research he is doing while in architecture school. Things like traffic flow, interference, inconvenience, lack of beauty, isolation, uneasiness, etc….please post your thoughts and I’ll send it all to him. Its okay to post anonymously but it also is okay to send pictures to describe the problems.

Also, I want to emphasise a point that one woman brought up in the comments. I commented on it but want to add it here: With any radical change that "they" (those who foist it upon us) want to present, comes the knowledge of just how much we will tolerate. Like bad legislation, they will often tack on an advantage that we just can’t live without or that adds to our comfort, whether it be refrigeration or nice formica in the kitchen, to distract us from the other problems that we would object to. Then we end up living in houses that have terrible architecture–architecture that somehow makes us feel nervous or discontent, but we think, "I should be grateful, because I at least have running water and I’m not living in a tent."

Well with some of these designs, I could have been happier in a tent or a motor home.The house made you want to scream.

I’ve talked to other women about this and they said the same thing, "I thought it was just me. I thought I was being ungrateful." It isn’t just you. There were efforts after major wars to change housing so that people would feel like animals. Modernists were educated to believe in evolution, and evolution plays a part in modern architecture.

Christians, especially, will be so polite and so tolerant because they don’t want to seem ungrateful, that these elitist designers will change our cities, add things to our water, and create all kinds of problems for us, knowing it will take years for anyone to notice to the point of objecting. Architecture is the same way.

They create terrible looking buildings even in the country: barns that look like ammunition storage sheds, etc. taking away the beauty and sentimentality of the farms and creating horrid scenery for us to look at across the field. It is revolting. It took a hundred years to made the old Victorian houses break down and turn into haunted houses, but it only takes a few days to make you feel like screeching in shock at some of the newer places you have to live in, due to the bad architecture.

One major differences in the houses of the 19th century and the Victorian era is this: the houses were almost always built for someone, and rarely were two exactly alike, whereas the homes of the last couple of decades were built for sale. That makes a big difference in their comfort and design. It makes a big difference in their dignity. It makes a big difference in the family relationship.

 Below: a design by Alexander Jackson Davis, early American architect.  These houses were designed to delight a family and glorify God.

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If You Want to Work at Home, Be Creative!

You want to stay home with your children but due to circumstances beyond your control you are their sole support. What jobs can you do and still be at home for the kids? There are many magazines out there that have lists of stay at home jobs but they don’t seem to work out for a lot of individuals. I don’t think they work for two reasons:

First, many people haven’t really made up their minds that their children’s emotional and spiritual needs are greater than their children’s material wants. Being present in your children’s lives is more important than buying them things. When I made up my mind that the most important and best thing for my children was for me to be there for them, that became my main goal. Then when a job came along, I didn’t consider the best job the one that paid the most, but the one that gave me the most time with my kids.

The second reason moms have trouble finding things that allow them to stay home is that each individual’s circumstances, gifts or talents and needs vary so greatly. It is difficult for anyone to suggest a handful of solutions that will work for everyone.

For example, at one point I was working at a very well paying receptionist job. When my daughter had a long term knee injury, I had to leave that job for a job that paid less because it left me free to pick her up at all different times of day. Another time when both my children were seriously ill and I couldn’t leave them at all, I stayed home and ironed clothes for other people.

I became like any Olympic skater or swimmer, trying to achieve my goal. I got up early and worked long, hard days. I sacrificed much to obtain my goal. I overcame my natural shyness and told everyone I met that I ironed, baked cookies, or whatever they needed. I even built piano parts. Before we divorced my  husband and I manufactured player pianos afterward I took over the business. I did that in order to find the work that I needed to obtain my goal, which was to be there for my kids.

If you are stumped at what kinds of jobs or things you can do to stay at home and earn money here are a few suggestions:

Think about things that are a little out of the ordinary. Don’t do crafts!! You usually spend more time, money and energy than you will ever earn. That’s why they call them “starving” artists.

Try to think of needs that people need fulfilled. I did ironing and found out that I made more money doing that than I did as a receptionist. To set the price I just called the local cleaners and asked what they charged. I just charged slightly less. Then I told everyone that I was doing ironing and it was a smoke-free home. Yes, even the cashiers at the grocery store!

At one point I had a women who brought me her groceries, disposable pans and her favorite recipes. I cooked 15-20 of her favorite meals and she would store them in her freezer for the month. If you have excessive garden produce, sell it to the restaurants in your area. You can grow herbs very easily and restaurants love fresh herbs.

Don’t limit yourself to working "at home" if you can do something that fits your need to be "at home". Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. If you would love to work in the school cafeteria because the work has the same hours that your children are in school, don’t be afraid to ask if there is an opening. If you can sew, inquire at decorating shops. A lot of times they need seamstresses who can do basic sewing to work flexible part time hours. A lot of businesses need someone to run errands and you can often adapt their hours to your needs.

If you’re thinking, “but I have a degree,” consider that if your degree is not providing you with a job that allows you to be at home with your kids, you should throw it out the window and stop using it as an excuse for not finding the right job. Remember your education, high standard of living and material things are not what are important here — raising your children is the important thing.

JIll

photo by: Eric__I_E

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This reader comment was posted in response to the story "Improve Your Life Right Away — Get Dressed!"

I can really relate to the truth in this week’s column. This has occurred to me twice.

In 1993, we lost our newborn son due to an undetected birth defect. With no prep time of any sort for the blow, we were devastated. On top of that, we had 3 other kids 7, 5 and 2 that had to be taken care of. Fortunately, we had family in town that took care of our kids so I could physically recover.

After several weeks, I realized that I could not live like that, and made myself get up. I flushed the Xanax down the toilet and figured out that life had to go on. And by the simple acts of getting dressed, makeup and hair, I made myself move on. Yeah, it was hard and I cried a lot in the shower (and the bedroom, and the kitchen, etc.) but it helped. It was also a signal to my husband that I was going to be okay. He could not take much time off as we owned our own business, but we made it. I realized that I had turned the corner when we were watching tv one night (Highlander: The Series to be exact), when I looked over at the tv and thought, "Hey, he’s nice looking"…I knew I would be okay.

A year later, in June ’94, I had a series of 3 strokes, caused by chiropractic manipulation of my upper neck. I was taken to the ER, sent home after stabilization, and was back there again that evening. I went home 4 days later and had about 3 months of recovery. Again, I realized that getting dressed was important to my recovery. And that was a sign again to my husband that I was improving and ready to try a few things again. Fixing dinner one night was a real triumph. Of course, due to weakness/damage from the strokes I couldn’t pick up the pot to drain the water from the pasta…but at least I got dinner fixed.

Don’t discount putting on your clothes!

Susan

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