Teaching Respect To Children

Our lives are made up of so many habits, most of which we don’t even realize we have and, whether they’re good or bad, all habits are very hard to change.

I heard a preacher this weekend say if you don’t believe that you are bound by habits and that they are hard to change then try this: Ladies, the next time you shave, start with the leg opposite the one you usually start with. Men, try shaving the opposite side of your face first. Even something that small and unimportant is hard to change.

This is why teaching your children good habits when they are young is so very important.

We often hear about teaching our kids good grooming habits, eating habits and learning habits but one thing I don’t think I have ever heard anyone talk about is teaching your kids respect for the things around them.

What do I mean by that? Well here is a list of some things parents often don’t teach their kids about and, in some cases, the parents don’t even do themselves.

• Set things on a table carefully, making sure you won’t scratch or mar the table by doing so. Find a coaster if you need one.
• Make sure you don’t have mud on your shoes before coming into a home. Wipe your feet or take off your shoes. Cleaning or replacing carpet is expensive.
• If you drag a chair or something across a hardwood floor, stop and ask yourself, "Will this scratch the floor?"
• Don’t jump on furniture. Kids jumping or sitting on the backs and arms of furniture can wear out the furniture ten times faster. Furniture is expensive to replace.
• Sit gently in a chair. Don’t flop down hard– and especially don’t lean back on the legs of a chair.
• When using the bathroom, make sure it is left clean and neat for the next person.
• Don’t write on walls or furniture.
• Don’t get into someone’s car with mud caked on your feet.
• When eating food, be sure to use a napkin or a plate so you don’t drop crumbs everywhere, even if all you’re eating is a cookie.

I could go on with examples of things to do when teaching respect to children but I think you get the idea. Because we have so many possessions, a lot of which are disposable, we don’t bother to take care them properly. If they get messed up, it is easier just to buy a new one than it is to take time to teach our children good habits about respecting and taking care of things. As parents we, ourselves, often don’t bother to take the time to take care of things.

The problem with that attitude is that we tend to lose respect for our things and even worst for other people and their things.

There was a reason that the generations that preceded us taught rules, habits and manners to their children. We have thrown so many of those rules and habits away that we can’t even remember what they are or why we had them.

Let’s wake up and look at our habits and our children’s habits. Replace bad habits with some good ones. Start with showing respect for everyone and everything.

      -Jill

P.S. Just after I wrote this, I saw a show where the children had floor to ceiling shelves full of toys. What was their favorite pastime? Throwing toys out a second story window to see if they would break. They knew that, if they broke the toys, mom and dad would buy them more.

In the show, they took all but 10 toys away from the children and guess what? The children were so careful with those 10 toys because they knew those toys were all they were getting.

Photo By: Gray Marchiori-Simpson

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Which School Supplies Do You Really Need?

I have been hearing everywhere about how to save on school supplies and reading about how expensive everything is. Sometimes we concentrate so hard on how to buy things for less that we forget to ask ourselves if we really have to buy the things at all, which would save us even more in so many ways.

We still haven’t hit really hard economic times if we are discussing whether to buy a backpack with rollers or without. When times were really hard, I couldn’t have bought a backpack period. I know it may be hard to believe but you really can get an education without a backpack. I went through all my years of school and never owned a backpack.

Please don’t tell me that times are different and kids have it harder or that they have more to carry now. I had 8 classes at one point and had to carry most of my books, pencils, paper, notebooks and other supplies all day long and I did not die. I even had to carry my books and school supplies to the bus stop or I had to carry them while walking all the way to school, unlike most kids today, whose moms drop them off at the school door.

Take those school lists they give you and find out what the kids really have to have and don’t buy the rest. If the people in the school office automatically say they need everything, then try to find out from the teacher or principal. I know this is a pain but if things are really that bad for you financially you may have to do some of these things that are a "pain".

We are like a bunch of sheep being led to the slaughter. We get our lists and blindly walk up and down the aisles of the store buying what we can’t afford and thinking there is nothing we can do about it.  I couldn’t just charge things and since I had to choose between heat, food or school supplies, I had no choice but to find out what was the least I could manage to buy.

I do know there are some things that kids really can’t do without, but things like backpacks or even lunch boxes aren’t absolutely critical. I know that some teachers have things they say you must have but at least ask if they really need everything instead of blindly buying everything.

For years, I have asked, "Why does everyone buy new school clothes for their kids" and have found that most people buy new clothes because that is what everyone else does, because that has always been the way to do it or, best of all, because "they" say you should do it.

The whole point is to start asking yourself why you buy these things and ask if they’re really necessary. In so many areas of our lives we are so used to doing things a certain way that we don’t even stop to think "Do I need to buy this?" Don’t be embarrassed to ask questions.

I learned this years ago. I went to the dentist and had to pay for it myself. He immediately started ordering about 4 different x-rays and a host of other tests. I looked at him and said, "I have no insurance and very little money… What is the very least I can get by with? Do you really need all these x-rays for this one cavity?" He ended up not taking any x-rays at all.

I understand the reasons why dentists take x-rays and teachers request school supplies so please don’t e-mail me about that. Instead, try to focus on the point I am trying to make: I asked "Why?" about something I had previously thought I just had to do and because I got up the courage to question it, I saved a lot of money.

      -Jill

photo by: jonathangarcia

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From: Susan

Dear Tawra & Jill, I enjoy the site very much and was hoping I could ask for some help. With school starting up, the fundraising will be too!

Could you post a request for unique, interesting, low-initial-investment fundraising ideas?

We’ve been through all the usual (i.e. cookbooks, selling cookies, pizza, candles, etc.) and, quite frankly, everyone is tired of them. Since you have readers from all over the country, I thought they might do something a little different than what we do up here in the "north".

For example, one idea that we had was to have the kids become "Singing Christmas Cards". For a $5 donation, 4-6 kids show up at your house or any house you’d like to send a "card" to and sing carols. No cost to us and the kids have fun too. Thanks and keep writing…

Thanks for writing! I would love to hear your ideas. I don’t allow the kids to sell fundraisers. We decided when they started school that we would not participate and we don’t.

One thing our old school did was have a carnival. We did go to that and supported it but it was huge amount of work for the volunteers!

So readers… any new ideas?

      -Tawra

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We have been having some problems with my oldest son (12) not taking his lunch to school.  For the last week he’s had one excuse or another why his lunch wasn’t taken to school or why he couldn’t eat it and he has been charging lunches to the school account. We don’t want him doing this because the school lunches are pretty expensive.

I asked him, "Are you the only who takes his lunch to school?" 

He answered, "Basically… only one other guy does." 

I said, "So are you embarrassed to take your lunch?"

"No."

Now, being 12 and in 7th grade, I can understand that if everyone else is buying his lunch that our son might feel out of place. But… I just can’t justify spending $50-$100 for my ONE child lunches at school just because many of the other parents do. 

I was thinking about it, trying to figure out what to do. At the moment, our policy is that if he buys any lunches at school, he pays for them. There are days that if I have been really sick for a while and the cupboards are bare, I will let them buy lunches at school but it’s a rare day when I let them do that.

We’ve been trying to impress on him the importance of living within your means and avoiding debt.

Later that night, Mike was showing me this great chart he found that shows a dramatic increase in federal deficits, with war spending being only a fraction of the overall deficit spending. He commented about how people always complained about the Iraq war costing so much, but how many of the same people don’t seem particularly vocal about the alarming increase in federal deficit spending, which has more than quadrupled since 2007.

Chart by Randall Hoven – originally published in the American Thinker
Data Source: CBO and U.S. Statistical Abstract

Our son was looking over our shoulders as we were talking about it and asked what we were looking at. Mike showed him the chart and said, "This bar graph shows the amount of debt the country has accumulated each year since 2003. What does that tell you?"  

Our son immediately noted the drastic increase in the last couple years. A picture is worth a thousand words. Our son asked, "Dad are we going to have a depression?"

Mike said, "If our government keeps spending like this, we probably will". Then I said, "Mom and dad are trying to pay off our house as fast as we can. We are doing that because with the government spending like this, there are going to be major financial problems that could cause a depression. God has given us money to live on and it’s our responsiblity to use it wisely so that if there is a financial catastrophe like a depression, dad gets sick and can’t work or something like that then we will at least have our house paid for and we won’t have to struggle so hard to have a place to live. We can then spend the money to buy food and other needs if that times comes. That’s why mom and dad don’t want to spend $50 a month on school lunches when we can make them at home for $10 a month. 

He said, "Oh, that’s a really good idea. I’m going to make sure I save my money so I can buy cat food and cat litter if I need to."  His cat is the LOVE OF HIS LIFE so it’s funny to hear his priorities, but he did get the point.

Sometimes you just need to explain to your kids why you aren’t buying one thing or another or why you choose to spend your money the way you do. Kids CAN handle it! You just need to tell them in a way that is calm. 

Tawra

P.S. This article is meant to illustrate the importance of talking to your kids about money, not to be a discussion about politics, so we will delete any comments that seem to be the least bit argumentative. 

 From Jill

I just wanted to add a little note. Like everything else, keep things balanced. Tawra’s oldest is almost 13 and is exceptionally smart when it comes to money, saving and understanding it. When he asked a question in this case they calmly answered it.

If their 5 year old was there they would have answered it differently because of his age and his personality. In the same way you wouldn’t give a 5 year old the keys to a car because he doesn’t have the emotional maturity and isn’t responsible enough to drive the same goes for children and money and world news.

Photo by: yomanimus

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So many people ask how to teach their kids about money, hoping we can give them a 1-2-3 formula to use that will help their child become a wise caretaker of his money and maybe even a future Bill Gates or Oprah Winfrey. Many parents ask this question because they are terrified that their children will turn out just like themselves when it comes to spending money. They hope that the "Do as I say, not as I do" method might actually work in this case.

The bad news is it won’t. Children usually become "chips off of the old block". It really is a monkey see, monkey do world. They almost always learn by example – your example, dad and mom.

The good news is that you (parents) can change. That is the first step in the formula. Put into practice the things that you want your children to learn. I know a lot of you don’t want to hear that but I’m afraid that is the way it is. The good news is that it really isn’t as hard as you think. If you expect a 5, 6, or 7 year old to learn to handle money wisely, surely you as a grown adult will be capable of doing it too.

I read a lot of novels. You can learn quite a bit about human nature from novels. In almost every novel I read, the hero works as hard as his men and expects no more out of them than what he expects of himself and the men love and admire him for it. Now I know I’m talking about a novel but think about it with regard to these everyday life examples. How do you feel at your job if your boss places strict demands on you to do certain things that he is not willing to do himself? Resentful, angry and frustrated? Your children feel the same way if you expect them to be wise in money matters when you are not.

The second step in the formula is to teach children how to earn money before they learn how to handle it. This should seem logical and you may say "Well of course everyone knows that!" but do they? The people we deal with on a daily basis don’t seem to know that. How many people do you know (maybe even you are guilty of this yourself), who spend money they haven’t even earned. Do you instantly say not me! Hmmm… How many dollars worth of credit card debt do you have? Isn’t that spending money you haven’t earned yet? We need to keep our eyes open to how we handle money, before and after we earn it.

The best way to help children learn positive work ethics and give them a chance to earn money is through chores. There is nothing wrong with age appropriate chores and jobs. Chores help to teach children the weights and balances of earning and spending – Earn $10 and you can spend $10. A lot of parents live with the idea that one can spend $10 and then frantically try to work to get $10 to pay for it. Another alternative that seems to be gaining popularity is to mooch off of someone like their parents or to become indebted to a credit card company.

Is it surprising why children are getting confused? It is because they are receiving mixed messages from dad and mom. This is why it is so important for parents to get their acts together first.

I believe in giving allowances for chores that are done. This is a great way to teach our children the earning – spending concept. It teaches them another life skill to prepare them for when they enter into the work world. It’s simple. Do your job, do it well, do it on time and you will get paid.

Whatever you do, don’t give your children allowances when they haven’t earned them. You are doing your children a great injustice when you do this. They learn early on that they don’t have to do a thing because mom and dad will pay for it. Twenty years later, parents find themselves with a 28 year old man sitting on their couch, watching their TV and munching on pizza and chips that their hard earned money paid for. They can’t figure out how to get rid of him or what went wrong. By giving kids money and "stuff" without having to earn it, they learn to be takers and not givers. Then we wonder why, as adults, they have the attitude that the world owes them something for nothing. They have learned that they have no reason to bother to lift a finger to contribute to society.

Some people refuse to give allowances because they say that children should do things because they are members of the family. They need to learn to do things without expecting a reward. I agree with this to a certain extent so what I did was divide the jobs up into certain categories. For example, feeding the cat, walking the dog or raking grandma’s yard could be done just to teach the care and responsibility for someone else because we love them. This teaches responsibility towards those we love, expecting no reward.

Things like keeping their rooms clean and beds made could be included under the allowance category. There were also times when we would have extra large projects like painting a fence or cleaning a very messy garage. In these cases, I would give the kids a little extra because they were such big jobs and the kids had worked so hard doing them.

Like everything else there is a happy medium. Everyone likes a reward for a job well done. Even God rewards us for jobs well done. If we never give our children an allowance, they could become resentful.

You may ask, "What do I do if I really don’t have any extra to give my children at this time in my life?" First, you don’t need to give children a lot. Even a small amount can seem huge to them. You can also pay them in other ways. For example, if you do this job, I will let you watch TV or play video games for an extra hour. Sometimes these things are more important to a child than money. My grandson mows my yard for me. He would do it for nothing, but I like to pay him a little for it. One day when he was done mowing we walked to a convenience store by my house and I bought him a slushy. He was more excited about that than about all the money I had paid him before.

If you really have nothing to pay them at this time, that’s OK too. Children have a very keen sense of justice. They usually know when mom and dad are not paying them because things are in "crisis" mode. If you have been fair with them in the past, they know you will be fair with them in the future when things aren’t so tight.

Step three is to be sure and teach your child about savings and tithing. I will never forget the first allowance I ever received. I was about 7 years old and my allowance was a quarter. I remember two things about that day. The first was that my mom said that out of any money we earned, we were to give 10% to God. I didn’t know about percents at the time and had to ask how much 10% of 25 cents was. She said it was 2 1/2 cents. I remember being confused and asking how I was to give half a cent. Then she said the second thing I will always remember from that day. I couldn’t give half a cent, so I should give 3 cents because that extra half cent would show our thankfulness for all of the many other things that God had given us as gifts that weren’t in the form of money.

To this day I have always given my tithe without hesitation and I round it up to an even number. Because there are so many extras that God has blessed me with other than money; the sack of tomatoes from the neighbors garden, the used car someone sold me at a discount, the meal that was brought to me by a friend when I was sick and so on. Do you see what a big influence my mom’s words and actions had on me? She was my best example as you are the example for your child.

As far as savings goes, I always tried to teach my kids to tithe, save a little and spend a little. I have found though that the best way for a child to learn about saving is through the "hard knocks" of life. Maybe for a child, I should change that to the "soft knocks" of life. There is no better way for a child to learn to save than for that child to quickly spend all of his money at a bubble gum machine and on candy bars and then see a sibling, who has carefully saved, be able to buy a really cool toy the next time they go shopping.

Another way for kids to learn about saving is, when they desire something very much, to have mom or dad tell them to save their money for it. You can’t break down and buy it for them because you will defeat the purpose. It’s hard I know. It’s even worse being a grandmother and not breaking down and buying them everything they want, but after a while you will come to realize how exciting it is for a child to save and save and then finally reach their goal’s end.

How much should you pay a child for allowance? My first quarter was enough for me to buy four Hershey’s bars with almonds, to tithe and to save a couple of cents. I thought I had died and gone to heaven — four whole candy bars! For this reason, I have always regulated my children’s allowance to make sure that they have enough money to buy four or five candy bars. I wouldn’t want to say, since some think I’m an expert in finances, that my whole belief system revolves around the price of candy bars but hey, if the shoe fits, I must proudly wear it. Of course, as the children grow and take on more responsibilities they should get gradual "pay raises" in their allowances.

Just a couple of closing thoughts: With more money comes more responsibility. Keep the amount of money you give your children in proportion to how responsible they are. This will help them to learn to use their money wisely rather than to waste it because they have more than they know what to do with. In the same way that you wouldn’t give a ten year old a new car to drive because he isn’t responsible enough yet and doesn’t know how to use it properly, don’t give your children more money and things than they can responsibly handle.

Teach your children to use their own money to buy those things that they want so badly, rather than buying lots of things that you can’t afford. This will this teach them how to save, how to be more discerning when presented with an opportunity to buy something and how to care for things better and appreciate the things they have more.

Lastly, but possibly the most important: teach your children to use a small part of their money to buy gifts and to give to others. This could include anything from buying a family member something little at a garage sale to giving 50 cents to the humane society or to that special offering for missions at church. Remember, the whole object is to learn to be wise stewards of their money and to be givers not takers.

Jill

From: Saving with Kids E-books

Photo by: theritters

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Are We Really Depriving Our Kids?
By Jill Cooper

I often hear ladies complaining that they want to stay at home with their kids but that they "have to work since it is so expensive to raise kids these days". One of the main questions I get asked about frugal living is "won’t I be depriving my children if I live the frugal life?" Maybe I can answer that question with a few questions.

How am I depriving my children by having them drink water for every meal instead of juice and soda? Isn’t one thing doctors are always complaining about is we don’t drink enough water? Cutting out just one glass of soda per person per day for a family of four would save $547.50 a year and make them healthier.

How am I depriving my children by having them eat an apple or homemade granola bar for a snack instead of a bag of chips? Obesity is a major problem among children in the United States. If you cut out just one bag of chips a week you would save $104.00 a year and make them healthier.

How am I depriving my children by having them walk to school or to a friends house instead of my always driving them there? Lack of exercise is a big problem. You would save time and wear and tear on your car by having them walk and make them healthier at the same time.

How am I depriving my children when I don’t buy them every toy they see and want? We wouldn’t dream of giving a baby on baby food all the chocolate that he wants because we know it would make him sick. His body can not tolerate that much chocolate even if he desires it.

In the same way, an older child can’t emotionally deal with the overload of toys. I as an adult become stressed just from trying to buy a bottle of shampoo. Have you ever noticed how many options you have? Trying to make a decision can be overwhelming. Do I get it for thin, fine, dry and damaged or colored and permed hair? The list goes on and on.

In the same way when a young child looks at piles of toys, he can become very stressed over choosing which one to play with. If you watch, you will notice that they tend to play with the same couple of toys over and over. If you didn’t give them all the toys they asked for and bought one less brand new toy at $10 a week, you would save $520.00 in one year and you would help relieve them of some stress.

It is no wonder our children stay confused. We insist that they should eat healthy yet we take them out to eat 3-5 times a week at McDonald’s. We give them a bag of carrot sticks in their lunch because it’s healthy and then give them a bag of chips when they get home from school to get them off our backs.

We want them to have strong character yet the moment they whine or cry for another toy or some candy at the store we give in out of guilt. We are afraid that if we don’t give them what they want, they won’t love us so to rid ourselves of uncomfortable feelings we say yes. How can we teach them to be strong in character when we are so weak?

How could our society and way of thinking have gotten so mixed up that we think a child is deprived if a mom chooses to stay home and not go to work? We have come to believe that moms should work outside the home so that children can have the most expensive clothes, education or material things. (Note I didn’t say best but rather most expensive since the most expensive doesn’t mean the best.) If a mom goes to work so a child can have all those things it’s not considered depriving the child of anything but it’s mom. Which do you think does a child more harm- being deprived expensive things or it’s mom?

For you stay at home moms: Before you become too puffed up with pride be aware that too many social, church and school activities can deprive your children of you just as much as working. Do all things in moderation.

Better to give your kids your values you have than the valuables you can’t afford.

From Dig Out Of Debt

Photo by: D Sharon Pruitt

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