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11 Frugal Living Tips

Tawra — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 20:57:17 +0000

Frugal living is all about making the most with what you already have. Here are 11 tips from Penny Pinching Mama to help you get started:

Barter for services when possible. For example, we exchanged lawn mower repair from our neighbor for a table (garage sale find) that he was looking for.
Learn to fix things for yourself. These days, with the Internet making information so easily available, you can fix most things yourself. We do 95% of the repairs around our house and we aren’t that handy. We just keep looking for the information about how to do it and keep working until we get it fixed!
Stop eating out. I know you hear it all the time but STOP!!! The “average” family spends $300-$500 a month just eating out! Eating out truly is one of the biggest causes of debt! I am always amazed how someone can be “totally broke” and can’t pay their bills but are still able to go to the drive-thru of their favorite restaurant.

Study nutrition information and find out what you need to eat to have a healthy and balanced diet. Then stop eating the junk and eat healthy inexpensive meals at home. We have a lot of menu ideas here at LivingOnADime.com that can help you get started.
If something breaks and you don’t have the money to fix or if you are out of something and you don’t have the money to buy more, figure out a way to live without it. If the lawn mower breaks, can you borrow a friend’s lawn mower? If your washer breaks, go to the laundromat. If you break your tea kettle, use a saucepan to heat water. In most instances, you can find a way to make do or do without something until you have the cash saved up.
Do things for free. Go to the library, have a picnic or read a book. Kids are just as happy playing with mom and dad in the backyard as they are going to the zoo. If you can’t pay cash for the “fun stuff” you can always have fun at home.
Buy items used. We buy 90% of the items for ourselves used. Going to yard sales and thrift stores does not take any longer than going to a retail store but you can save 90% off the retail price!

Just say no…to your kids. Let kids buy their own toys and extras! Our kids pay for all their own soda, candy, treats like nail polish, their own computers and extras. You are not the Bank of Mom so just say no!
Find a cheaper way to do things. Go to a beauty school to get your hair colored (or don’t have your hair colored at all it isn’t something you need to survive). Go to a mechanic school to get your car fixed. Hire a kid instead of a lawn service to mow your yard (only if you can’t do it yourself for medical reasons. Paint your own house instead of hiring someone, cut the cable and the cell phone (gasp!), and have birthday parties at your house. There is almost always a cheaper way to do things so try to find the cheapest way and save some money!
Cut kids’ activities. Most kids are in way too many activities and they’re often expensive. I know families who pay $175 a month for gymnastics lessons but can’t pay the mortgage. There is a problem with this kind of thinking! Kids won’t die if you don’t give them all the lessons and activities you can’t afford.
Get it for free. When the landscapers were laying sod in our new neighborhood, I asked for the scraps and we were almost able to put in our entire backyard for free. When they were building houses, I asked for the 2×4′s that were going into the dumpster and got enough wood for our shed. When they were pouring concrete patios, I asked for the leftover concrete and they just poured our entire cement pad for our shed for free!! If friends have kids older than your kids, ask if you can have their hand me downs when they are done.

Get as much as you can for free and you can save thousands of dollars!

-Tawra

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How To Find The Best Deals

Tawra — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:53:48 +0000

From: Misty
First, let me say I LOVE your website!!!I use it EVERY DAY! Since you have inspired me to start being more frugal with my money, I search high
and low for great deals.

I recently started shopping at Garage Sales, Dollar stores, thrift stores, etc., but sometimes I think I am getting a great deal only to realize it wasn’t that good of a deal. For instance, I spent $2.25 at a thrift store on a bunch of 12 plastic clothes hangers and that day I went to a department store that had them on sale for $2.00. Seeing this made me realize I had not saved any money at all!

Does this ever happen to you? Have you ever bought something that you were sure was a great deal, only to realize it wasn’t a good deal at all?? Should I do something different?

Hi Misty – Yes, I have made mistakes like this and still do it sometimes. I try to be as careful as I can to get the lowest price on an item. If it’s at a thrift store, I try never to pay more than half the retail price if it’s in great condition.

If it’s at a yard sale I try to pay 10% retail on small items and no more than half the retail price on large items (furniture, etc.) that are in excellent condition.

If you buy something from a store and it goes on sale shortly afterward, you can take it back to the store and most stores will give you a refund for the difference as long as it’s only been a couple weeks to a month since you bought it.

What do I do for other situations, like the hanger mistake you mentioned? Well, I repeat to myself , “Let it go… let it go.” Really, that’s exactly what I do. I just write it off and move on, knowing that the next time I need hangers they will be cheaper at the store.

Part of that is just the learning process. You will win some and lose some. Hopefully, I have more wins.

If it makes you feel any better, I just had that happen with mulch. I had gotten free mulch many times in the past from companies who cut trees and just wanted to dump the wood chips. I thought the mulch I was getting from a tree company was free, but after they had delivered it, I received a $100 bill for it. Talk about making a person sick to her stomach! I didn’t have $100 to waste on paid mulch even if I do love gardening but I just had to let it go and move on. I did ask God to cover it for me and He did! It was a mistake on my part so I didn’t feel right to have the company come and take it back. (Mike: But just as we were looking at the bill, two more trucks drove up and I explained the mistake and politely asked them not to deliver the two additional truckloads )

Don’t beat yourself up over it because it sounds like you are doing great!

-Tawra

I have had that same thing happen to me. I have learned two important things from these experiences. The first is “practice makes perfect.” The more you do it, the more familiar you become with typical prices for various items. Second, it’s important to realize that it all works out well in the end. For all the “boo boos” I make, I still end up saving so much more in the long run going to garage sales, thrift stores and so on that the savings far outweigh the mistakes.

Here’s one thing that helps me: If I know I need something, I check out what it costs at a department store when I am there. Then I will have a better idea about what to pay at a thrift store. Of course, there are many things I can’t plan and I just have to use my experience to determine whether to take a chance on them.

Like Tawra said, you just have to move on and realize that we all make some bad choices shopping for brand new things, too, except when you’re buying new you are often losing even more money. It happens no matter where you shop.

-Jill

One of the biggest ways to save is to anticipate what you’re going to need long before you need it, if possible. When you’re not in a hurry to have something now, you’ll have more opportunities to notice prices at other places and to get it at a better price. We especially try to do this with cars, but it applies equally to virtually everything.

Tawra starts looking for winter coats in the summer. She looks for the next larger sized shoes before the kids grow out of the old pairs. If she knows she is going to be painting a room a certain color, she starts looking for mis-mixes at the hardware store or paint that has been donated to the thrift store to see if they have the right color. If so, she can usually get it for a fourth of the price of buying it new. These are just a few examples of how planning ahead can help you save a lot!

-Michael

For more easy and practical ways to save money and get out of debt, check out Dig out Of Debt.

photo by: awfulshot

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Tithe Question

Jill — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 11:13:44 +0000

As some of you have mentioned, I too have been through Dave Ramsey’s FPU classes and my wife and I tithe regularly. I’m looking to have some minor surgery but will be off work a few months only receiving some short term disability benefits.

I have no problem tithing from my gross income but how is this seen? For that matter, what about tax returns? Any honest advice is welcomed.

Luke

Luke this subject usually opens up an emotional hornets nest with some readers so before I answer your question let me just say one thing (ok maybe a few things) .

Often people stew and worry about their tithe, asking things like “How much do I give?”, “Am I giving too much?”, “Should I even give?”, “What do I give?” The bottom line is that the main reason we should give is because we love God so much and one way we show that love is by giving to Him, helping with His ministry and helping others.

Sadly to say, sometimes we give because we are afraid God won’t bless us if we don’t or because we see others tithing and being blessed and we want that too. In this case we need to ask the question, “Are we willing to give even if we never receive a blessing but just because we love Him?”

One reason I think God asks us to tithe is because a person tends to put his money where his heart is. That’s what it boils down to. The goal for every Christian should be to get to the point of giving with so much love and generosity that not only do you not worry whether you are giving too much but you can hardly control yourself from giving more. Most of us have a long way to go to get to that point.

Now to answer your question.

Your gross income is all the money you earned before anything gets taken out. In the Bible, God asks us to give a tithe (tenth) of everything you earn.

Your net is just what is left after your company takes out some monthly “payroll deductions” like taxes, social security, medical insurance, savings, etc. In the Bible, God asks us to tithe off of the top of what we earn. If you are tithing off of your net income, you are giving your tithe off of your income after you have paid some “bills” first.

Here’s an example of tithing off of the gross - These are just random numbers used for my example:

You get paid $100 for yard work. We are asked to tithe off the top of that, so let’s break it down:

$10 – tithe

$10 – taxes

$5 – social security

$5 - medical

$10 - savings.

You now have $60 left to spend.

Here is an example of tithing on net

You have the same $100

$10 – taxes

$5 – social security

$5 – medical

$10 – savings
________________

Net $70

$7 – tithe

See the difference?

If you have already tithed on your gross, then you have tithed on your tax return money. It is pretty easy to figure if you give 10% on any income. If you have already tithed on that income, you don’t have to do it again.

There are 3 ways the Bible teaches about giving

1. Tithe -10% of everything you earn. I round it up and give more because sometimes I receive a box of tomatoes from a neighbor or sacks of groceries as a thank you for something I did so that way all my income is covered.

2. Giving – This is giving above your tithe just in gratefulness to God for something like a successful surgery, finding a good job, seeing a special need or just because. Keep in mind that giving shouldn’t be out of a sense of “payment” but gratefulness.

3. Alms – This is giving above the tithe and giving to the poor or needy. Often, people like to substitute this for their tithe because it isn’t quite as hard to give someone a shirt we don’t like or want anymore as it is to give our hard earned cash.

Tithing is a command. The other two are choices. The interesting thing is that the closer we draw to God, the easier and more natural all of these become. When I see my grandkids, no one has to tell me to run and give them a huge hug and pull out some candy to give to them. I don’t count and make sure I only gave them one of my ten candies and not two. Why? Because I love them and can’t give them enough.

Besides, we don’t want God counting and being careful that He is only giving us the exact (minimum) amount of blessings we deserve. Thank goodness He loves me so much that He gives me way more than I deserve, and He doesn’t hesitate in giving that.

Develop your relationship with God above all else. When you do that, the Holy Spirit will give you nudges or send someone your way to let you know if you need to do something more or less. In some ways, it is like with other relationships– The closer you draw to someone and the more you are around them, the more you get to know their needs and their wants and you don’t have to work at it that much.

For example, I know my daughter loves gnomes and my son is crazy about Superman. I don’t have to think about what they would want me to give them these things. I also have a cousin who lives across the country that I haven’t seen in years and years and I would have no clue about what to give him.

I hope this helped to clear up things a little for you.

-Jill

Photo By: Images_of_Money

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How To Get Out Of Debt!

admin — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 15:42:45 +0000

Don’t Bury Your Head in the Sand!

I had a dog once who, when I would scold him, would run and hide under the bed. He knew he had done something wrong and thought that by hiding he wouldn’t get into as much trouble. I think he figured if he couldn’t see me, I couldn’t see him and he wouldn’t get scolded.

There was just one slight problem. He couldn’t fit under the bed. Only his head and front paws were hidden but his back half was in full view. He had put himself in the worst possible position but since he had buried himself under the bed he didn’t know that.

It’s human (and critter) nature to think that, if I don’t acknowledge something, it won’t come to pass or it will go away and I won’t have to deal with it. We are often like the two year old who thinks there’s a monster in his room. He will cover his head up with a pillow thinking “If I can’t see the monster then the monster can’t see me and it will go away.”

We adults laugh and think how silly this is. We know that if there really WAS a monster, hiding our head under a pillow would not help us. If anything, hiding our heads would make it worse because we can’t see what the monster is doing and so we are unable to come up with a plan of attack to protect ourselves. Meanwhile, the monster takes a bite out of our britches.

Even though we find the dog or the two year old’s actions foolish and amusing, many of us do the very same thing when we don’t deal with our financial situation and our debt. Have you ever decided not to open a bill or look at a credit card statement because you don’t want to know what the balance is? Clicking your heels and saying “There’s no place like home” is not going to help.

How about your bank statement? Do you balance it every month or just throw it in with the pile of unopened bills because you don’t want to know how much is in your account? I hear someone saying “But I don’t know how to balance it.” Then learn. There isn’t a bank in the world that isn’t willing to show you how to balance a checkbook if you ask.

My grandson in the third grade has enough math skills to balance a checkbook but I often hear from college graduates, full of pride with their degrees, that they can’t balance a bank statement. It is just another excuse that helps them keep their heads buried in the sand. Learning to balance your checkbook is much easier, much less time consuming and much less stressful than hiding from the monster.

Another excuse many people use is refusing to use cash. Often when helping people get their credit card debt under control, I suggest that they get rid of the credit cards and just carry a small amount of cash in their wallets. The first thing that I always hear (and I have honestly never yet had anyone say anything different) is “I can’t carry cash because I will spend it”. This statement makes no sense to me. What do they think they are doing when they pull out their credit cards to buy something? Lack of self control is lack of self control no matter how you package it.

If you allow yourself $20 cash, don’t keep credit cards in your wallet and you are shopping you MAY spend the full $20, but when it is gone there just “ain’t no more” to spend. On the other hand, when you use a credit card, once you spend $20, you can pull it out again and spend another $20 and another and then maybe even $100. You don’t even have to keep track of how much you spend for the day. Just stuff the receipt away and put your head under the bed!

If you have a credit card problem, you will end up spending 2-4 times as much with the credit card than if you just use cash… But this is why people in financial denial love credit cards… They don’t have to acknowledge or see how much they have spent. “If I don’t see it it won’t hurt me.”

In 1 Corinthians 13:11, it says “When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man I put away childish things.” We need to put away childish or foolish actions where our money is concerned and start using adult reasoning concerning it.

If this is you, stop burying your head in the sand! Stop being afraid and start taking an honest look at your finances. Open those bills, balance those bank statements and acknowledge how much you spend! Then figure out how to get it under control.

-Jill

P.S. Just to keep our e-mail box from overflowing with misunderstanding, I thought I should clarify this one thing: If your financial situation is fully under control, but you use a credit card for convenience or for reward points or some other reason and pay it off every month, this story is not referring to you. I am specifically addressing people who don’t know how much they spend or who do not spend within their income.

For more easy and practical ways to save money and get out of debt, check out Dig out Of Debt and learn more about how to keep more of your money.

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Save Money on Your Heating Bill

Jill — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 14:42:19 +0000

I have heard the same basic 5-10 tips on how to save money on heat and I’m sure you have, too– tips like “make sure all of your windows are caulked” or “turn down your thermostat”. Many of us proudly decide, “This is the winter I am turning my thermostat way down”. One hour into the day you are so cold and miserable you give up and turn it back up again.

You need to have a plan so that you really know what you are doing in order to succeed, just like you do with anything else. I am going to give you some tips today to help you do that, but these aren’t for the faint of heart. You need to be serious about saving money or wanting to get out of debt. These are the things I had to do when my heat either was turned off or I didn’t have enough money to pay a big bill. Those were in the days before you could use credit cards to pay your bills and the companies didn’t have all of those special “programs” for helping you to pay your bill. You either paid your bill or you did without heat entirely.

Take a deep breath, be brave and try one or all of these tips to help lower you heating bill. Some of the tips may seem extreme but there is nothing to say you can’t modify them to fit your needs. If you practice only part of each tip you will still be one step farther along.

Dress appropriately and not for your own comfort. So many people wear short sleeve t-shirts around their homes in the dead of winter. Wear flannel shirts and sweaters or, even better, wear 2-3 layers of clothes and include them all. It isn’t unusual for me to wear a tank top, long sleeve t-shirt, flannel shirt and a sweater on top of that. That’s 4 layers.

Practice the same habit at night. Stop wearing just a t shirt or your summer jammies. Get out the flannel nightgown (your husband will love you anyway). I even wear a long sleeve t-shirt under that. When things were really bad and I had no heat at night at all (amazing I lived to tell about it), I would wear a stocking hat because so much heat goes out of the top of your head.
Of course, if you have babies or elderly family members you will have to set the heat higher but you might not need it as high as think. When my kids were young, we had sleepers made out of blanket material. You have the same thing now but are more often made of fleece or something similar. Instead of using sleepers for pajamas, we would put on a onesy or t shirt, heavy pajamas, socks and booties and then top it all with a sleeper, which was more like a blanket than pajamas.

In some cases, we would top the sleeper with what we called a sleeping sack, which had little mitten like things for their hands. Then we topped it all with a cap. Boy, that made it fun changing a nighttime diaper, especially one that had leaked. Like I said, these ideas are not for the faint of heart.
Wear socks and slippers. Put on 1-2 pairs of socks and a warm pair of slippers.
This may seem obvious but use throws and shawls. Sitting in the evening, I can get chilly. Just laying a throw over my lap and feet can instantly warm me up. I have trouble with snuggies. They seem to get in my way, so I find that a throw and a shawl over my shoulders works better. I know your big he-man husband or son could not handle a shawl, but keep a warm zip up sweat shirt handy for them.
I love wearing mittens without the fingers. When I first started doing this, I was surprised how something so small could warm me up so much. At times I have been so cold I was going to turn up my heat but instead I put on my mittens. These are especially great when using the computer, hand sewing, reading and other tasks where you use your hands frequently.
Drink a warm drink. You might have heard this tip over the years, but it really does work. Sometimes, in the evening, if I start to feel really chilled, I will make myself some coffee or tea. Even holding the hot mug before I start drinking warms me right up.

Close off rooms. I mean, seriously, close off all the rooms you can. At one point, we had no gas, so we had to move into two smaller rooms of the house– the kitchen and another 9×9 room next to it. The kids slept on pallets on the kitchen floor which we had to pick up each morning and move. I slept on the couch in the small room. We had a door that shut us off from the rest of the house. It was a mad dash each morning to the cold part of the house to grab the clothes we needed for the day or anything else from back there but, once again, we lived.

(If you don’t need to use a bathroom and you close it off, be careful about closing off bathrooms where there is plumbing on an outside wall because if your house isn’t well insulated and it’s super cold outside you don’t want to risk having it freeze. That would cost more than your savings! )

Most of you won’t have to be quite as drastic as we were, but I tell you these things to let you know that even if it is inconvenient to shut off a room or two, you won’t die from it. If your rooms are more open and you have no doors, then hang blankets across doorways.
Decorate with darker or warm colors and lots of heavier, fuzzy warm fabrics. This doesn’t make things warmer but, mentall,y it really makes a difference.

What not to do:

Be careful using small electric heaters to warm small areas, thinking you are saving by using those. Depending on where you live, the price of your gas or electricity in the area and the age of the heater, it might cost you more to run the electric heater in that one room than to heat the whole house with gas. Like I said, it depends on where you live. For example, in Idaho, electricity was much cheaper than in Kansas so I could heat my whole house inexpensively with a little heater. When I moved back to Kansas and tried that, I almost had a heart attack after I received my first electric bill.

Note: Besides the cost and energy savings, there are a few added bonuses when lowering your heat:

Less static electricity
You usually don’t have to use a humidifier
Your nose and throat aren’t usually as dry all the time, which is supposed to help prevent or reduce sinus infections and other respiratory problems
Your lips and skin won’t get as dry
Your eyes won’t get as dry. Recently, when I was visiting family, my eyes became red and hurt so badly that I thought I was going to have to go to the eye doctor when I got home, but it turned out they hurt because they were dried out.

I know different areas of the country are more humid than others and that other factors affect dry eyes and sinuses but, no matter where I have lived, I have had less difficulty with these issues than friends and family who lived in the same area.

-Jill

Here are some other similar articles you might like:

Where Do We Begin to Catch Up on Debt?

Tips For Reducing Your Electric Bill

Photo By: C Jill Reed

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Saving On A New Hot Water Heater

Jill — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:55:34 +0000

When I arrived home from Colorado, I found a dead hot water heater. I was so thankful it didn’t do anything really bad like explode or flood my basement.

Anyway, I had the plumber come and he gave me a list of things he would have to do when he replaced it. These were extra things I would be charged for in addition to the hot water heater and installing it. I asked him, “Do I really need this?’ There were things like a pan to go under it. Since my hot water heater was 18 inches from the drain I really didn’t need it. I saved $25.

They then were going to drill holes in my wall and add vents right next to the door in that room that I always keep opened. I asked why do I have to have vents when I have a huge opening where my door is? I discovered that if I take the door off I wouldn’t need the vents. Since I don’t use that door anyway I took the door off. Saved another $35.

I know I sound like a broken record but it does pay to ask. I do this at the doctors office, the dentist and many other places. My plumber was really nice about it and willing to work with me. Don’t be afraid to ask. I asked just 2 questions and I saved $60 plus he even said he would take the door off for me for nothing. Oh happy day! !

-Jill

Photo By: johncarljohnson

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How do I begin to get organized?

Jill — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 15:11:44 +0000

How do I begin to get organized?

It’s the beginning of a new year. There seem to be only 3 topics everyone thinks about this time of year: how to get out of debt, how to lose weight and how to get your house clean and organized. Just look at all the magazines or TV shows. People are talking about it everywhere. I myself am not immune to thinking about any of these.

I was sitting, gazing around my domain and looking at the mess. I had really let things go. As I was looking, I started thinking, “I need to get busy and clean things up but where do I start?” (not to mention that I felt too exhausted to start). “I just can’t do it,” I told myself. I’m too tired. I then realized what I was saying. The reality was that I could do it, I was just tired and didn’t want to do it.

With this in mind, I made myself get up and start, beginning by clearing the one pile of things in my kitchen that had been driving me crazy for ages. When I was done it looked so good I was energized and started on another spot. Before I knew it, I had the whole kitchen picked up and it hadn’t even taken me 30 minutes.

That day, it dawned on me how often we aren’t honest with ourselves, even in the excuses we use for not doing things. When I said, “I can’t do it,” that really wasn’t the truth. I could do it, I just didn’t want to do it or feel like doing it so, to ease my conscience, I told myself, “I can’t do it.” There’a a big difference in the meanings.

“I can’t do it.”

What would happen if each time we say “I can’t do it” we would change it to “I don’t want to do it because it will be a lot of hard work and/or sacrifice”? Saying it that way might give us more pause for thought.

“I don’t know how to do it.”

Then you need to learn how. In this day and age we have access to so much knowledge there is almost no reason for not finding out how to do something. Years ago, before the Internet, before information was so easy to get, when people didn’t know how to do something they did it by trial and error until they got it right. Today, more often than not, we seem to think when we say we don’t know how to do something it means we don’t have to bother to try or do it. It is easier for someone else to do it for us.

I always think of Thomas Edison and how it took him over a thousand tries to make the light bulb. Am I glad he didn’t say, “I can’t” or “I don’t know how.” Do you see what an impact excuses can make on our life and the lives of others?

You don’t have to learn to be an expert in everything or to do everything as well as someone else. You just need a good general knowledge that allows you to do what needs to be done.

I love it when people use “I don’t know how” as an excuse when it comes to cleaning. Do you really not know how to pick up the trash off of the living room floor or put those dirty clothes in the hamper?

Some say, “I don’t know to stop spending.” Maybe if you only put what you absolutely need in your basket, it would be a good start. Most 6 year olds know if they only have a dollar to spend they can only buy something for a dollar. It’s not a hard thing to learn.

“I don’t know where to begin.”

In most cases, it really doesn’t matter where you begin. The important thing is just to begin.

If you are trying to get out of debt, begin by stopping your spending. That step alone will make a big difference. If you want to lose weight, stop eating so much. It’s interesting that in both of these areas you begin by stopping something. If you are trying to clean your home, you can pretty much start anywhere. Just get up and move.

The next time you hear yourself saying these things, stop, pause and think “Am I being honest or do I sound just like my 10 year old when he or she is trying to get out of doing the chores or homework.” Hmmm? I wonder where they learned their excuses from? I know I had to pause and stop myself several times this past week.

If these excuses have become like a comfortable old sweater, check out our website and books to help you take off the old sweater and get fitted for a new one. You will find so many ideas to help inspire you to do things when you think you can’t, to help show you how to do it and to show you where to begin.

I will keep sharing tips and ideas to get out of debt, lose weight and clean in the future. Can we do it? Yes we can. (Well, for those of us who can get out of bed today — this is a little side joke for those with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia. : )

-Jill

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Happy New Year Everyone! Or is it?

Jill — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 14:41:32 +0000

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Every year on New Year’s I always remember one special New Year’s Day. That is really unusual for me because New Year’s has never been one of my favorite holidays. I can’t remember ever staying up to ring in the New Year and I have only been to one or two New Year’s parties. I left those early and was home about 10:00, so for me to remember a special New Year’s Day is something.

It happened many years ago. I had gone to bed early as usual on New Year’s Eve and woke up about 5:30 the next morning. I was heating the house with our one pot belly stove and we were all sleeping and living in just a couple of rooms at the back of our house.

The kids were still sleeping so I couldn’t do much for fear of waking them. I sat quietly down at the kitchen table, started eating some leftover pecan pie (my breakfast of choice on Christmas and New Year’s morning) and thinking about the past year. That was also unusual for me to do because I never stew over the past year on New Year’s and I never give the next year much thought.

For some reason, out of the blue, I started dwelling on things. I started getting very discouraged and was feeling like having a pity party. I was shocked because I had been through so much the previous year and that whole time I hadn’t given in to self pity but all of a sudden I was wallowing in it.

You have to understand that, to me, having a pity party is as much of a sin as robbing a bank, lying or committing adultery so I started praying that God would help pull me out of it because I could tell it was going to be bad.

I grabbed my Bible because I was so sure that was what I was supposed to do and started reading it hoping it would help me but instead it made matters worse. Every verse I read said something like, “woe to you and your house.” I couldn’t believe it. Of course, by this point I was sure I had a right to feel sorry for myself so I told God, “Look– even when I read your word you tell me how miserable I am.” I was not thinking rationally at all but I still kept praying for help and trying to fight it.

My eyes fell on a pile of library books I had gotten a few days before. One of them was Erma Bombeck’s book, If Life is a Bowl of Cherries Why am I Always in the Pits? I wasn’t sure why I had checked it out because it wasn’t the kind of book that I usually read. I really wasn’t sure I felt like reading it now but I did relate to the always in the pits part. This little voice kept telling me to read it so I finally gave in and did.

Before I was through the first paragraph I started chuckling. The more I read, the harder I laughed. I was trying so hard to keep from laughing out loud so I wouldn’t wake the kids but I was to the point of belly laughing and finally Tawra called to me, “Mom what are you doing in there?!?”

I spent the rest of the day laughing my head off. Gone was the pity party. I had the best New Year’s ever. I also learned a couple of things that day.

First, we have a choice. We can have a pity party or a good laugh. Which do you think is better for us and our families?

Second I wasn’t stretching it when I said I had had a bad year. I had heard a speaker a few months earlier who gave us a list of the ten most stressful things that can happen to someone and he said that if you have 1-2 of those happen within a year’s time that you were probably under a great deal of stress and if you had had 3-4 things happen you needed to seek help.

When I heard that I had to chuckle to myself. I had 9 of those 10 things happen to me, all with in a 5 month period. I really did have something to be discouraged about but I also had something to be excited about.

Every time one of those 9 stressful things happened, God was right there to pull me through. It had gotten to the point where I almost became excited when I came to a road block because I could hardly wait to see how He would work this problem out.

What I had learned that day was, as much as He was there helping me through the “big” things, on this day He was there helping me with my little everyday pity parties too.

We have all had things happen to us this past year and will have more things happen this coming year. Life happens and we have a choice to either stay paralyzed by fear, not even trying, or to face each day with courage and with God’s help to try to figure out how to fix the problem.

Joshua is one of my favorite Bible characters. When he saw the land of giants, he essentially said, “So what if there are giants (problems). God will help us take care of them.”He had a child like faith. He was like a child that says, “My dad can do anything”. The bullies can come and He is there to fight them.

The others wanted to run and go back to their slavery but Joshua didn’t give in to his fear and he succeeded and made it to the promised land. Don’t be like those others, so paralyzed by your fear you can think of nothing to do but to go backwards and return to your slavery, whether that is debt, no job, how much you weigh or living in a messy house. Get up and fearlessly move forward, not back.

God also told Joshua in Joshua 1:9, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

You either choose to believe those words or not. It is very simple. If you believe them, then you can step out this year and when the bullies start coming down the path towards you you won’t bat an eye because your Father who is bigger and stronger than you is walking right there beside you and He will take care of them. The battle is His, not yours. Don’t go back into your slavery this year, no matter what it is.

photo by: marufish

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How to Have More with Less at Christmas

Jill — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 12:51:19 +0000

How to Have More with Less at Christmas
By Jill Cooper and Tawra Kellam

After laying down my last women’s magazine telling me how to be less stressed during the holidays, I’m even more confused and stressed then ever. On one page I’m told to take time for myself and indulge in a lovely spa bath. That sounds great, but I can hardly find time for a shower on a slow day in June let alone take a spa bath the week before Christmas.

As I turn the page, I’m told to give all my friends and family homemade ornaments to which I have lovingly glued 500 beads, each the size of a grain of sand. OK I’ll admit I’m not a rocket scientist, but I am baffled when I try to imagine how I could accomplish these two things even if I didn’t have an ever growing list of Christmas preparation tasks. Hmmm… Maybe I could lay in my spa bath carefully gluing on beads to ornaments throughout the night.

As I read on, there are articles telling me how not to gain weight at Christmas parties. Isn’t that like telling a three year old to not get dirty while making mud pies?

But it gets better. They then tell you to eat a meal before you go to the party. What? Is that some kind of new diet where you lose weight by eating two meals in the evening instead of one? If it is then I’m all for it. I mean really — who eats four carrot sticks and five pieces of celery at home then arrives at a party where they have pecan pie, five different types of fudge, 10 dozen cookies and egg nog and says "Oh no, I really couldn’t eat a thing. I’m sooooo full…?" Excuse Me! Doesn’t anyone live in the real world any more?

To top it all off (and the part I like the best) is after they tell us how to get rid of stress and not gain weight, they give us 10 pages of recipes for Christmas cookies made with real butter and cream that are decorated so elaborately in the pictures that it probably took a trained kitchen staff of 10 a week to make each cookie.

If you are like me and can’t stand that kind of stress, try some of these Christmas ideas to help you have a relaxed and Merry Christmas:

Don’t over-spend – It may be tempting to fixate yourself on the sparkling look in little Johnny’s eye when he sees that $300 play car under the tree. Advertising people are really good at feeding many parents’ fantasies of their children thinking that mom and dad are the superheros for shelling out the cash and looking fondly back on that moment for the rest of their lives. The reality, though, is that most kids have lost all interest in that particular toy long before the credit cards are paid off.
When we were growing up, my mom pulled out all of the stops at Christmas to make it as wonderful for us as she possibly could. The funny thing is that now that we are grown, the things we remember the most fondly are mom’s red Jello salad (made with red hots – yummy!) and sitting together and reading the Christmas story before opening our presents. I can’t remember what presents I received, but I always look back fondly on the Christmas story.

Do a few things well – Instead of trying to do everything and ending up depressed with how it all turns out, focus your energy on a couple of things that are the most important to you. You may be tempted to extravagantly decorate every room in your house, but if you don’t have the time or energy, focus on one room, like a living or family room. If your entire house is beautiful but you have to go see a therapist when it’s all over, the romantic mystique will be lost. Trust me, I know about this one from personal experience.
Limit activities — Don’t commit to do too many things. One or two parties during the holiday season will make you get all tingly in that “It’s a Wonderful Life” kind of way. Two or three parties a week may send you over the edge, especially if you have kids. (Refer to my therapist comments above.)
This also applies to all of those appealing looking activities around town like Victorian Christmas events, Christmas celebrations at the zoo or winter carnivals. One or two can be a lot of fun, but too many will ruin the fun.
Limit cookie baking. Don’t try to make 15 different kinds of cookies like Martha Stewart. She may look like she is super woman, but did you know she has a lot of people that help her? How much help do you get with your baking? I mean real help, not your five year old who makes everything twice as difficult for you. This is great for grandma, but you have to see your daughter every day and grandma can send her back when the house is sufficiently covered in flour. Again, pick your two or three most favorite or traditional cookies to bake and celebrate the fact that you had few enough priorities that you remembered to put the sugar in them.
Everything doesn’t have to be homemade. I know that we advocate making your own stuff, but Marie Callender’s makes some great pies that you can pass off as homemade if you want to soothe your guilty Martha Stewart conscience. In 20 years, your kids will look fondly back on it as the best pie they ever had. Seriously, if you are making things homemade just to save money, remember that some things like candies and pies are often more expensive to make homemade, especially if you cut your finger while slicing the apples. Don’t ask me how I know, just trust me on this one.

These aren’t the only things you can do to reduce your stress, but if you stick to doing a few things well, you can truly relax and enjoy the season with your family. In the end, they would rather have fond memories of their time with you than memories of how strung out mom was after she burned the cookies.

By Jill and Tawra

photo by: trekkyandy

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Gift Giving – A Different Mindset

Michael — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 15:55:23 +0000

Gift Giving – A Different Mind-Set

One of the greatest freedoms I have ever felt was when I arrived at the point where I didn’t buy my gifts based on what people would think of me. You know the type I mean. That office gift exchange that you really don’t have the money for this year but can’t say no to because you wonder, "What will they think of me at the office?"

What about that expensive gift you really can’t afford but that you know your sister in law expects of you? You know she will say bad things about you to the rest of the family if the gift isn’t up to her standards.

Then there are the gifts like the ones for the trash man, the mailman or babysitter and, of course, you can’t spend any less than $25 on each child’s teacher. I mean what kind of person are you if you don’t give these people expensive gifts?

Then there are the obligatory gifts for those people whom you have only known for a month or two. Though you’ve only seen them once or twice in that time, they show up on Christmas Eve with a gift for you. Of course, you have to keep several presents on hand to give them.

I don’t want to sound like Scrooge but my point is that you have got to stop feeling compelled to buy gifts (or anything else for that matter) solely because you’re worried what others will think of you.

You don’t have to do what everyone expects you to do. Think about that for a moment. Just because something is expected of you doesn’t mean you have to do it. There is a difference between that and doing what you are responsible for, but that is for another discussion.

Just because everyone expects you to exchange gifts at the office doesn’t mean you have to. Just because you think the trash man or mailman expects a gift doesn’t mean you have to give him or her one. (I love my trash man and mailman… well not literally, but I do like and appreciate them and I don’t mean to sound like I’m just picking on them).

I know this is hard to do because we all want people to think well of us. Here are some suggestions to free yourself from worrying about what others think, especially in the area of gift giving:

First of all be a kind, considerate, respectful, good and caring person. You may be asking, "What does that have to do with giving gifts?" All year long I try to go above and beyond the call of duty with the people I work with, my friends and my family. I try to help them when I can, I treat them with respect and I try to do thoughtful things for them.

For example let’s use my good old trash man. If I have an extra amount of trash, I will make a point of running out and thanking him for doing the extra work. At other times, I tell him what a good job he does or I will call his company and tell them what a good job he does. Every once in a while, I bring him out a plate of cookies.

When Christmas comes, if I can’t afford to buy him a gift, he really doesn’t think anything about it.

Sometimes others ask me if I give my trash man a gift and, when I say no, they get a look of horror on their faces. I don’t worry about it because I know in my heart that I did the best I could. If the truth were known, my trash man probably appreciates the things I did all year long more than the one little "token" gift that they gave at Christmas.

Which would you rather have — someone who is nice and helpful to you all the time who might not give you a gift or someone who shows no interest in you all year and then gives you a token gift once a year?

Secondly, don’t make a big deal out of not being able to give a gift. Years ago when I was younger, a friend and I had to go to a business get-together where they would be serving alcohol. Neither one of us drank. My friend wanted to know what we should do if we were offered something to drink. I hadn’t even given it a second thought, so I looked at him in surprise and said, "What do you mean? We just say no thank you and ask for a Sprite or something."

I didn’t make a big deal out of it and when I was asked what to drink I just asked for my Sprite. No one thought anything of it, but my friend hemmed and hawed about it and started apologizing because he didn’t drink. Then he went into details about why he didn’t drink and on and on until people were either embarrassed for him or thought there was something wrong with him.

He was trying so hard to impress the people for the sake of our business but instead he just made a fool of himself. We get so worried about what other people think that we tend to make fools out of ourselves and make a bigger deal out of something than it needs to be.

Take a moment to think how much you have spent this year on things to impress others, and not just at Christmas but all year long. Are you a parent who bought a toy or car for a child that you couldn’t afford but were worried that the child wouldn’t love you as much if you didn’t get it?

How many birthday gifts have you bought for your friends or your children’s friends that were more expensive than you could afford but you didn’t want them to think less of you or your child?

Many times, people have asked me if I was going to a certain Bible study or activity at church. When I said no, they asked why and I had to say I couldn’t afford it. but I didn’t spend money I didn’t have just so they wouldn’t think there was something wrong with me spiritually.

If you really think about it, you will be amazed at how many times we spend money we don’t have just to impress others. Like I said earlier, if you are kind, caring, respectful person who thinks more of others than yourself, people will see you and care for you alone and not what you can give. They will know that you give generously when you can and if you don’t there is a good reason.

You may say, "That is all well and good, but what about people that don’t understand and think poorly of me when I don’t give a gift?" I hate to be blunt, but what about them? Does it really matter what people who are uncaring and judgmental think about you? These type of people will always find something to judge or misunderstand no matter how hard you try to please them.

What I’m trying to say is don’t allow what others think to cause you and your family to go into debt, even if it is your own family and friends. This is peer pressure. We tell our children not to give in to peer pressure, but we give into it all the time and we wonder why our children fall into the trap of it. They see it practiced at home.

If you’re a little insecure about changing this habit, be careful, gain some confidence and if you are truly and honestly doing the best you can, don’t worry about what others think.

One last note: This doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t buy gifts for these different people that I mentioned above. If you have the money, then go for it. Also don’t be embarrassed to give a gift that is not so expensive. We offer ideas in our books and all over the web site about how to give very nice gifts for very little. Get the thought out of your head that if you can’t give something expensive you shouldn’t give at all.

I know that it might sound trite, but it is true. Some of the nicest gifts I received and the ones I enjoyed and appreciated the most cost very little or nothing. That little Elmo magnet my grandchild bought with his own money at a garage sale means just as much to me (even though I’m not really into Elmo) as the most expensive gift I ever received. I will proudly display my magnet and cherish it because it was bought with love and much thought.

It really is the thought that counts (not the price).

-Jill

Photo By: mateoutah