The other day my daughter, daughter in law and I went to the Parade of Homes in our area. For those of you who don’t know what that is it is the homes you always dream about but know you can never have. They are perfectly decorated model homes and some are quite expensively done.

My son and son in law were moaning as we trotted out the door all excited to once again get some new decorating ideas. They yelled all the way to the car “Don’t even think about moving when you get home and no more remodeling projects”. They know their wives oh so well.

Why we torture ourselves I don’t know but we do it every year. My daughter called the next day and said I get so discouraged looking at those houses and then I walk into my house and there is stuff every where.

I know what she was talking about because I felt it too but at that same moment in my minds eye I was thinking about my daughter’s home and the way it looked the last time I saw it. I then started comparing it to the model homes we had just seen and these words popped into my head, “Her home was decorated with love”.

When you walked into the living room of the model home there was a place for everything and everything was really in it’s place. I think they even measured the throws and pillows to make sure they were in the right spot. The pictures were beautiful landscapes and not a toy in sight.

Where as in my daughter’s home there was a music stand and chair in the middle of floor where sister who is just learning to play the flute had played Hot Cross Buns for the twentieth time and sat beaming as family members patiently applauded and praised her again and again and again after each attempt.

There was a very worn “security blanket” (not a throw) in a ball at the end of the couch with a favorite pillow laying half on and half off of the couch where middle brother had laid when he was sick and had been given special love and attention from mom.

Instead of landscapes there was mom and dad’s wedding picture, the kid’s school pictures along with family pictures scattered here and there. There was a dog chew in one corner where big brother had just finished playing with the dog and in another corner was the cat bed where a well loved kitty contently slept. There was a stray toy here and there, a few books, a couple of Bibles and magazines all having been shared and read together at different times.

When you walked into the kitchen of the model home there wasn’t a dish in sight or a thing on the counters. It was spotless and shiny.

My daughter’s on the other hand had a handful of dishes in the sink left from when dad took over and fixed lunch because mom wasn’t feeling good. There was a pan of water on the stove where sister had fixed a cup of tea for mom. There was a pan of burnt unrecognizable something that dad had burnt while trying to cope with lunch and feeding baby brother his bottle all at the same time.

The dining room chairs in the model homes were lined up in perfect position with a lovely arrangement taking up most of the table.

My daughter’s were all in a different place from having been used over and over that day. Some doing homework, others crafts, coloring, painting or fixing a broken this or that, having a snack together, and always at the end of the day sharing dinner together with everyone talking a mile a minute.

Last but not least there was total silence and quiet in the model homes. But at my daughter’s there was music all the time. Someone is always singing, whistling, humming and laughing. The dog is barking, someone is always talking and there are even a few boyish burps followed by mom’s scolding for doing it.

Yes those model homes looked beautiful on the outside but like your mom always said it is what is inside that counts. Inside the model home it was empty, cold and lonely. My daughter’s home certainly wasn’t empty, there were lots of “items of love” scattered everywhere, as far as being cold, all that love and laughter spread warmth to every corner of every room and as for being lonely, you couldn’t find one spot to be lonely in. Trust me my daughter has tried to find a quiet place to be alone in and they still seem to find her.

So here’s to all the homes decorated with love and the mom’s and dad’s who decorate them.

I have to say last week was the week for frugal formula.  The baby is weaned now and on Similac.  Well, I had run out of Similac coupons and was praying that God would send me some more. He is 4 months and starting soild’s but it is still expensive. ($14 a can here in the US)

Mom called last week while she was at the store and said “they have the large (double) cans of Emfamil (sp) Soy on clearance. I told her to grab all they had and they had 6 cans.  Then I realized I had some $5 coupons.  They were $5 each for 4 of them and $7 for 2 others (Carnation) and I had a $1 and $2 coupon!!!

I was so excited I jumped in the car and ran over there to meet her. I got $150 worth of formula for $12!!!! I could not believe it!

The cans are for 9-12 months so I will have to wait a few months to use it but that will say us a ton of money! There’s another $138 we can put on the house!

I still need some Similac coupons so I will be on the look out for those but I have to say that was my great find for the month!

Tawra

From: Alice
My tip is about birthday cakes.  My two girls 10
and 2 are into certain things like my little pet
shop and dora. Or fashion packs for various toys.
So I buy the toys and then I come up with a cake
idea and use the toys as decorations on the
cake.  Like the youngest is getting a Dora castle
( not a huge one) and I’ll put it in one corner
and make a yellow road or something like that to
the castle door and put the Dora figure on the
road.  It’s decorated and the child gets her toy.

The other one is in to fashion, so I’m gonna make a
purse cake with the skinny licorice braided for a
handle.
Well that’s my idea for cakes. It’s mom’s
version of a kid in a candy store.

This is one of my favorite ways to decorate a cake! Easy but so cool for the kids. Tawra

From: kimber
Just an Idea while we are talking about back to
school items and stocking up.  You can take
advantage of the stock up items to start
gathering little bits of craft items to put
together in a Christmas box or stocking to
replenish their craft boxes at home and or to
load there stockings with fillers of creative

stuff rather than just candy.  they have way more

fun stretching their imaginations.

Also be on the look out for the sale items for the dorm room
that maybe only get a few items now and stash
back some items for christmas too!  and they can
have a mid year make over or add to and see what
the other roomates contribute first.  then they
can fill in the blanks at christmas.

I saw something on the web the otherday that stated
some retailers are looking at things from a
thrifty trend standpoint and are also possibly
looking at keeping school supplies and stuff out
on the shelves longer and a little bit at a time
so they can also keep their inventories down.  so
if there is a particular item you fall in love
with you might consider it now.  however if it is
something that would be nice but not necessarily a
have to have item, you might consider waiting
them out.

Also, i think i have given this tip
before, but those extra backpacks that go on sale
or lunch boxes are great gift packages to stuff
full of stuff.  like puting a few clothes in or
craft supplies when your child has a birthday
party to go to. I hate spending more on the
packaging than on the actual gift and it is nice
to have the whole gift usable.  Have a great
day!  God Bless - Kimber

From: Elaine
I’m a new subscriber and really enjoy your weekly
newsletters.  Thanks for putting this together! I
noticed your comment in the August 4th newsletter
about your son going through two backpacks in one
school year. A lot of the cheap backpacks in
stores are just that–disappointingly cheap, and
they don’t last very long.

My freshman year of H.S. I got an L.L. Bean
backpack. The zipper broke the next year and they
replaced it for free.  That backpack got me
through the remaining three years of H.S. (with
the huge 35-pound load of books I usually
carried!), four and a half years of college, and
the first two years of graduate school before I
simply got tired of it and bought another.  I’ve
found it much cheaper to buy one expensive
backpack that will last a decade than one-two
cheap ones every year (although it would take a
lot of $1 backpacks to equal the expensive cost)
and plan to buy a nice one for our daughter when
she’s old enough to go to school.  I just wanted
to pass along this tip! 

We get this tip over and over so these must be some backpacks! I am going to check into it when they destroy this set of backpacks. Tawra

From: Ron

My wife and I are in our 40’s. We have three children in their 20’s. All three are struggling financially and constantly asking us for money.

Our two daughters are currently unemployed. We are not rich, but do have money to help them for small issues. Are we wrong to continually give them money? How do we say no without making them mad?

Thanks

The short answer is YES you are wrong to help them out. So what if you make them mad?

Really, why are you helping them out? If it’s just a temporary thing, that’s one thing, but this sounds like a common occurrence or you wouldn’t be asking. Why should your adult children be mad at you for you expecting them to take responsibility for their own bills as grown adults?

No, you do not need to be helping them so much and I would tell them you are stopping NOW!!!

Tawra

We get this question all the time and I haven’t addressed it in great detail, so I will try to do that now. I have grown children. I don’t know how many times in years past they have been unemployed or suffering financial hardship and watching them struggle has been hard.

It took a lot of courage to ask the question, “Are we wrong to continually give them money?” and, to me, half of the battle for anything is admitting there is a problem. Not everything I’m going to say next is aimed directly at you, but generally for all those people who write with similar questions. It may not all apply to your situation, but use what you can.

It is so hard being a parent and trying to know how to balance these things but the same things apply when they are adults as when they are young. What concerned me the most was when you asked how to do it without making them mad.

I think one of the worst things so many parents do no matter what the age of the kids is “wimping out” as a parent. I hear parents say all the time - “I don’t want to do this or that because my kids won’t love me”, “They’ll get mad at me”, “They won’t think I’m cool” or “I want to be their best friend.”

Children need parents who are brave, strong and powerful (in a loving sense). It makes them very insecure to have parents who aren’t like this. They think if mom and dad are going to cave under my little bit of pressure, there is no way they will stand strong and do what is best for me when I really need them to step up to the plate.

Only you can judge what is best for your children. Are they trying their best to find work? Have they been responsible in times past? Are they giving up all they can to save and make their money go farther? Are they trying to help out in different ways to show you how much they appreciate your help, maybe by cleaning your house, doing yard work or running errands for you?

Or do you find that they’re not bothering to look for a job, are not cutting back on their own personal spending and can’t believe you had the nerve to ask them to help around the house. You are the best judge. Like any good judge, though, judge with the facts and not emotions.

This is something we should do continually with our kids. If my 10 year old son was sitting every day watching TV all day and insisting I feed him bags of chocolate, you would think I was crazy if I indulged him.  Why? Because, first, he should be going to school. It’s important for his future. Second, chocolate isn’t the best diet in the world for a child. Interestingly, though, many of us do this with our 20 something children. If I tell him, no, he can’t do this anymore, he is going to be mad at me, but I still have to do it for his good and because I love him more than myself.

As kids get older, the specific things in question may be different, but the same principles apply.

Another reason why you shouldn’t worry about whether they get mad or not is because it isn’t good for you. You will lose what you are worrying about losing and that is your children’s love and respect. No one, especially children, respect and admire anyone they can manipulate and control — someone who is a pushover.

I’m not sure there is any way to say this without sounding harsh and I don’t mean it in a harsh way. If a parent gives his or her children things or money because the parent doesn’t want them to be mad or to not like them, they are just buying their children’s love. In the adult world, if it was a man and a woman it would be called having a sugar daddy.

We have got to stop using material possessions and money to try to fix emotional conditions. Possessions and emotions are two different things. Using this strategy is like putting a band aid on your big toe to fix the huge bleeding cut on your arm. You are trying to fix the wrong problem and in the wrong way.

If grown children are asking for help all the time, something else needs to be fixed and it won’t be fixed with more money. You are pouring good money on top of bad. If you had an investment and every month the bottom dropped out of it and you were asked to invest more, how long would you keep pouring good money into this bad investment? After a bit wouldn’t you think, “Maybe I need to look into this and see how to fix it?” or change it? Of course you would, which is why I applaud you for asking this question, because that is what you are doing. Don’t stop there — follow through with the solution.

Now that we’ve discussed the emotional issue, let’s get down to what we can do in a practical sense to deal with this situation.

The best way to keep the problem from happening in the first place is, when the children are young, to avoid the habit of giving in to their desires and bailing them out from their problems. Sometimes they have to learn from and deal with the consequences that their actions created. Constantly rescuing them prolongs the problem and usually makes it worse.

Clearly, there are times when the situation isn’t their fault but instead of immediately coming to their rescue, teach them and help them find a way out without simply handing them what they need on a silver platter. For example, my daughter wanted to be in a special singing and dancing group at school. We just didn’t have the money for it. It wasn’t her fault and I hated telling her she couldn’t do it, so we came up with a solution. She got a part time job to cover the expenses.

I had taught her how to come up with a solution. Instead of getting mad because I couldn’t give her what she wanted, she learned a new job skill and, years later when she and her husband faced similar but bigger problems, she knew how to work it out without running to me first thing.

20 somethings: They are a little like 3 year olds and a little like teenagers. They want to be independent but, at the same time, are always testing the waters to see how much they can get by with before mom and dad put their foot down and say enough.

Add to that a mom and dad who have been brainwashed into thinking that this generation is “special” because of “these hard economic times” and that spells trouble. Do you know that one generation after another has thought the same thing, but still has been kicked out of the nest and has survived?

Unemployment is unemployment, whether it is during the depression of the 30’s, the days after World War II when men came back from the war to find that there weren’t many jobs to be had and on and on. Each generation has had to learn to cope, although I think this generation is the first one to sit and refuse to help themselves and expect mom and dad, the government and others to do it all for them.

Instead of bailing them out, help them find a solution or, better yet, step back and let them find their own solution. They may flounder and go under a bit but believe me, in spite of what everyone thinks, the spirit of survival is still a strong motivator and even though they may be uncomfortable for a while, they will not only live, but become stronger and better people for it.

We don’t have enough faith in our kids and we don’t give them enough credit. No wonder so many don’t try to take care of themselves — If mom and dad don’t have faith in them, they can’t have faith in themselves.

One other practical thing to do is to sit down with your kids and explain you feel you are doing them a disservice by bailing them out and have decided to let them live their own lives from now on, the good, bad and ugly of it all. Pick a time when everyone is calm and not tired or unusually stressed. Have some yummy desserts or snacks and sit and talk.

If you feel better about it, you can give them a small amount (and I mean small) to give them couple weeks to find a job, place to live or whatever. Then explain that there will be no more. Whether you do this or not is something you have to decide for your own situation.

Be prepared for them to get mad, hurt and to rant and rave, but they will eventually get over it. Even if they don’t, you have to let go and realize how they react is no longer your responsibility but between them and God. Besides, if the only way you can keep your children’s love is by paying them for it, is it really love? I don’t know, but it is something to think about.

Is there a time to help adult children? Yes. I would give my children money in a heartbeat, but only because they have proven themselves worthy and responsible over the years. I have insisted they take money from me from time to time in years past and they have always been grateful and paid me back in a timely manner. On rare occasions we all need help, but we shouldn’t ask for help until we have done everything and sacrificed all we can to help ourselves first.

Jill

It’s not that I’m bored or I don’t have a ton of work I should be doing, that I am writing this but Tawra is bringing my new grandbaby over for me to watch for a bit. I thought about taking him for a walk but I don’t have his stroller yet and then I remembered my little red wagon. I’ll plop him, car seat and all into it and we can go for a stroll but, while I am waiting, I thought I would write my story below.

It is dedicated to those everyday things in our lives that we use over and over, that are always there for us but we tend to overlook and take for granted. (No I’m not talking about your husband. : ) : )

Me and My Little Red Wagon

I have a little red wagon. I can’t remember my life without it. When I was young I would pile my baby dolls  and stuffed animals in it and pull them to and fro. As I got older my brother would stick me in it with the handle bent back so I could steer and he would precariously push me up and down the side walk as fast as he could while I would frantically try to keep us from falling off the curb and killing ourselves.

The years went by and I traded my little red wagon in for a VW bug and much to my father’s dismay I drove it about like I did my little red wagon, still having problems staying away from the curbs. But time marched on, I married and my husband used the VW bug and I went back to my faithful red wagon.

It hauled diapers to the laundromat when I had no machine to wash them in and once again it hauled my “babies” to and fro. I would put my toddler and newborn in my little red wagon and pull them a mile through town to take my husband his lunch or to go to the post office.

My babies grew older and soon they were frantically pushing each other up and down the sidewalk in my little red wagon. It was their first driving lesson but, again, it was put aside for a VW bug (There isn’t a lot of variety in my family).

The kids grew up, left home and it was me and my little red wagon once more. It hauled topsoil, bricks, rocks and weeds, piano parts and boards. When I moved, it would haul boxes for me that were 5 times its size and weight, yet it never once gave up under the load.

Soon my little red wagon and I had come full cycle and it was once again hauling my “babies” for me. Grandbabies this time. We may look a little different– my hair is grey and he has a little rust on the sides. We are both sagging in spots and creaking all over. It has been a long and sometimes hard haul and even though we are moving slower, the sun is still shining and God has blessed us with yet one more healthy happy baby to haul to and fro. Does life get any better?

Jill (and my red flyer wagon)

School has started this week in Kansas, which means more mounds of paper clutter to keep under control. Here are a couple of tips to help keep all of that paper work from multiplying, reproducing and taking over your home and life.

Set a certain time and place to go through your kids’ backpacks and paperwork each day. Use this time to sign all those papers you need to sign, mark upcoming meetings or events on the calendar and sort through everything.

The best time and place will vary for each family. I found that, for us, it was best to do it the moment the kids walked through the door while it was fresh on their minds. I would have a snack ready for them, they would explain the papers to me and while I was dealing with them (signing, writing on the calendar or admiring their handiwork), they would tell me about their day.

Then I would return everything that needed to go back into their backpacks, trash the rest or put it in a special place or folder. This helps keep things from getting tossed on the counter or table and eventually lost or forgotten.

Of course you will need a calendar and/or small bulletin board or dry erase board.

My calendar has very large squares where I simply mark what needs to be done. If there is something very important that I must not forget no matter what, I mark it in red, but I write everything else in pencil in case I need to change it. Then I can just erase it and make the necessary changes. There have been times when I used a purple pen if I wanted the kids to remember something. I read about a study that found that people will remember things better when marked in purple.

If there are special papers that go with an event, I either paper clip them to the calendar page or pin them to a small bulletin board, making a star on the calendar so I know to look on the bulletin board for the paper that goes with the event.

All my events seem to fit fine on one large square of a calendar. If yours don’t, you probably need to look at changing a few things in your life and cutting back on some things. You are too busy.

There are many many fancy calendar systems out there. I personally find them to be more confusing and more work than they are worth but if they work for you, use one.

I know that some of you who work away from home need day planners and other organization systems but that is another whole subject that I deal with in my e book Plan It, Then Do It.

Another system some people like is to have a folder for each child with special papers in it. For example, if one child is having a class party, I will mark the class party on the calendar but then place the paper with all the info about it in the folder. Once again, I would place a star by the event to remind me more info is in the folder. Once a week these folders should be sorted through so they don’t get cluttered.

Always keep folders of any kind in an upright position in a holder. Most folders or papers that are laid in a horizontal position get forgotten, lost, piled on or not used.

Well I will sign off for now. I am looking at the piles of paper on my own desk and think maybe I need to take a break, practice what I preach and clear my desk. : )

Jill

I have been hearing how to save on school supplies every where and how expensive everything is. Sometimes we concentrate so hard on how to buy things for less or to save on them that we forget we maybe don’t have to buy things at all which would save us even more in so many ways.

We still haven’t hit that hard of economic times yet if we are discussing whether to buy a back pack with rollers or without. When times were really hard I couldn’t have bought a backpack period. I know it maybe hard to believe but you really can get an education without a backpack. I went through all my years of school and didn’t own a backpack.

Please don’t tell me times are different and kids have it harder or more to carry now. I had 8 classes at one point and had to carry most of my books, pencils, paper, notebooks etc. all day long and I did not die. I even had to carry them to the bus stop or walking all the way to school unlike most kids now whose moms drop them off at the school door.

Take those school lists they give you and find out what the kids really have to have and don’t get the rest. If the people in the school office automatically say they need everything then try to find out from the teacher or principal. I know this is a pain but if things are really that bad for you financially you may have to do some of these things that are a “pain”.

We are like a bunch of sheep being lead to the slaughter. We get our lists and blindly walk up and down the isles of the store buying what we can’t afford thinking there is nothing we can do about it.  I couldn’t just charge things and I had to choose between heat, food or school supplies so I had no choice but to find out what was the least I can get by with.

Now I know there are some things which kids really can’t do without, I’m not talking about these things but things like backpacks or even lunch boxes aren’t a absolute must. I also know that some teachers have things they say you must have but at least question these and see if they really need everything instead of blindly buying everything.

I have questioned for years why does everyone buy new school clothes for their kids and have found most do it because it is what everyone does or because that has always been the way to do it or best of all because “they” say you should do it.

The whole point is start looking at and questioning why do you buy these things and are they really necessary? I so many areas of our lives we are so use to doing things a certain way we don’t even stop to think “Do I need to buy this?”. Don’t be embarrassed to ask questions.

I learned this years ago. I went to the dentist and had to pay for it myself. He immediately started ordering about 4 different x rays and other things. I looked at him and said “I have no insurance and very little money, what is the very least I can get by with? Do you really need all these x rays for this one cavity that needs taken care of?” He ended up not taking any x rays at all.

I know all the ins and outs of why dentists take x rays and teachers request the supplies that they do so please don’t e mail me on that  but try to focus on the point I am trying to make which is I asked about something I usually thought I just had to do and because I got up the courage to question it I saved a lot of money.

Jill

From: CRYSTAL
HI,
I HAVE VERY PICKY EATERS THAT CONSTANTLY WANT TO
EAT OUT. MY HUSBAND AND I DO NOT ALLOW IT OFTEN,
MAYBE ONCE A WEEK. HOW CAN WE CONVENCE THEM THAT
THE CHICKEN NUGGETS THAT WE HAVE AT HOME ARE THE
SAME ONES AT WENDY’S, MCDONALDS AND BURGER KING?
WE CANNOT KEEP AFFORDING TO EAT OUT ALL THE TIME.
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP!

Well, I just wouldn’t worry about it and just not eat out. My kids are very picky too.

At our house we have the same problem so what I do is just tell them they have to eat what is put out or nothing else until the next meal.

If it’s something I’m pretty sure they won’t eat I give them a small portion (like 2 nuggets). If they ask for a snack later then I tell them they must finish their lunch first.

You are the parent so I wouldn’t let the kids dictate when you eat out.

Tawra

If you need more ideas check out our Saving with kids e-book.