I apologize. I just found this draft I had written in January, the second half on kid’s bedroom which didn’t get posted so here is the link for the first part of organizing kid’s rooms and below is the second part. Sorry for the goof up.

Part II

I posted a few tips yesterday on getting kid’s rooms organized but once you get it together how do you get them to keep it that way.

One thing is to place a chart at their eye level. We often put the chore charts in the kitchen which is fine but you might consider putting a chore chart with just bedroom chores in their room. Write or place pictures of things like make your bed, pick up clothes, toys etc. and as with other charts be sure to give lots of praise, stars, stickers etc. when they do a good job. Kids tend to respond better to things which are put in writing (or pictures) then barked orders.

Train your kids. This means show them how to do a job, then show them again and then show them again and again and again. We often think if we show a child something once, twice even three times they should be able to do it on their own but they can’t always learn things that fast. When I start a new job if they show me how to do a job I have never done before for just 1-2 days, I can’t always get it. I would become very overwhelmed, discouraged and stressed. A good company will train you for at least 2 weeks every day. Our children need the same and more.

Be specific when you tell a child to do something. Their idea of a clean room and yours are poles apart. If you say pick up your room, don’t be surprised if they pick up 2 things and call it good. You need to say something like pick everything up off your floor.

Work with your children. Whether you are an adult or child you feel so much more motivated to do a job when you have someone helping you or encouraging you on. How many of you come to our website for encouragement and motivation? Children need that from their parents so when you can, work together on their rooms, especially if it needs a big clean up.

Make any cleaning up a game. I was watching my grandkids today while Tawra was at the doctor’s and told the boys I would race them and see if they could pick up all of the toys in the living room before I cleared the kitchen table and counters. You never saw any kids move as fast as they did trying to beat me. Of course I let them win.

I also have them see if they can clean their rooms in less then 10 mins. or we all see how fast we can pick up 10, 15, 20 items.

We all do a better job if we have proper tools so buy small size cleaning things for them like little brooms, dust pans, small dust rags (socks made into hand puppets are fun) and stools so they can reach things.

The biggest thing in helping control kids room is to get rid as much as you can. They don’t need 50 race cars, 25 dolls, a shoe box full of crayons. I use to have one box of 24 crayons in my room and you had better believe I took care of them because I didn’t want to lose that “special” color. And if you don’t think you children have that much lay out their dolls, cars etc. and count how many they have. I think you will be shocked.

I wish I had room and time to write more but like I said yesterday check out our website and our kids e book for many more tips.

Warning: Don’t become discouraged. Probably only a couple of tips from yesterday and today may work for you. It has been a never ending battle through the ages (well maybe the last 50 years) of getting kids to pick up their rooms and how to find ways to store things. Bigger people then I have tried to find the answer and so far have failed. Even if they get the storage down pat, getting the kids to use the storage has failed.

The main thing is not to give up. It takes patience, time and work. This is one area where you won’t see the rewards of your hard work for many years - like about 20-30 years but it will happen. It comes when your 20 year old son takes your trash out with out being told. You sit there in amazement and think when and how did this happen. Then there is the phone call from your daughter bemoaning the fact she can’t get the kids to keep their room clean.

Ahhhh!!!!! The sweet sweet rewards of seeing your offspring being tortured in the same way they tortured you years earlier. : ) : ) : )

Jill

We have been hitting cleaning and getting organized hard the past couple of weeks so I want to stop and take a moment to tell you  to take a breath and try not to become overwhelmed.

I read this quote and I’m sorry I can’t remember who wrote it or where it came from but it says “Remember you aren’t seeking perfection just organization”.

Your homes don’t need to be magazine perfect. They just need to be as comfortable, functional and as healthy as you are physically able to make it. That means don’t drive yourself and your family insane trying to keep every toy off of the floor but do try to at least keep things comfortably under control which means not having toys knee deep on the floor and have been there so long they have 2 inches of dust and are growing things on them.

And once again, if you are sick, have sick children, are moving, have a newborn( no a 5 year old is not considered a new born) etc. the normal rules don’t apply. Adapt them to your circumstances and do the best you can.

Jill

For a good excuse to give yourself a break; fix a cup of tea or coffee, put up your feet and enjoy one of these yummy muffins. Your family will love the smell when they walk in the door too.

Applesauce Muffins

2 cup flour

1/2 cup sugar

4 tsp. baking pwd

1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp nutmeg

1 egg

1 1/2 cup applesauce

1/4 cup margarine, melted

Stir by hand until mixed. Don’t over mix. Bake at 425 degrees for 20 mins.

Topping

While baking combine 3 Tbsp. sugar, 1/4 tsp cinnamon, 1/4 nutmeg.

Melt 1/4 cup margarine

While hot dip in margarine then in sugar mix.

Boy can kid’s rooms be a challenge. Trying to get them organized and even harder trying to get the kids to keep it clean. I don’t have the secret but I have a few tips to maybe make things more bearable for both parents and kids.

First when organizing a room make sure the furniture and every feature is kid size and kid friendly. So often parents buy these tall 3-4 drawer chest of drawers which the kids can only comfortably reach the second drawer for the first 6-7 years of their lives but yet parents expect them to put their clothes away in them.

We as adults have a hard time keep our things picked up even we can see into and reach the drawers how would you feel trying to put your clothes in something a foot or more taller then you. Besides tall chests can be dangerous.  The kids, because they can’t always reach the top will pull out the bottom drawer and stand on it to reach things sometimes pulling it over on top of them. Plus if the drawers don’t slid easily little fingers can get pinched.

Use low shelves as much as you can. Keep everything low. Lower the rods in the closets. This is very easy to do. We holler because they don’t keep their clothes hung up but try standing on your tip toes and reaching as hard as you can to hang things and you will see why they don’t do it.

Place things like hooks, bulletin boards, and shelves all down low. Don’t forget to hang their pictures at their eye level not yours.

Kids learn their colors pretty early on so place things in colored containers to make for easy clean up. For example all the marbles go in the red box, the crayons in the green box etc. You can also cut out pictures to place on the end of the boxes. Remember to keep their bins and containers small and light weight.

Make sure they have a small clothes hamper in their room and small trash can. I know one mom who always is hollering because her kids leave their dirty clothes on the floor but they have no hamper in their room and have to walk through 3 rooms to put their clothes in a hamper.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow I will post a few more motivational tips and ideas. Also I have written a kids e book which is jam packed with a ton of ideas to help with kids in not just this area but many others if you need or want more ideas.

Jill

I was watching a morning show today and they were talking about how a lady didn’t know what she was going to do because she owed $163,000 in student loans and was only earning $50,000 now.

The experts of course helped her negotiate the student loans down to a lower price for her.

Jack started crying so I didn’t hear if they said this or not but I would like to point out that if you can’t pay cash for college then you shouldn’t be going! Period!

Frankly I’m tired of hearing people whining about how they just “can’t” pay for their student loans because they aren’t earning enough.

Why is it people think it’s ok to have student loans on their backs for 10-20 years but they can’t take 6-8 years to go to school part time and work to pay cash for it?

The fact is you should be paying cash for college. For years people worked at night, on the weekends and in the summer to pay for it.  They worked hard to get scholarships and grants to help pay for it.  They worked hard to pay their living expenses; they scrimped and saved so they wouldn’t have any debt after school.

If you have kids that are planning to start college next year or are there right now encourage them to pay cash for it themselves.

You may have to start at a junior college to get the basics, work to get scholarships and grants and yes, go part time so you can work full time, to pay for it and your living expenses.

If you are a parent and feel the need to help your kids out with school that’s fine but all your debt should be paid off first including your house. If your house and debt is paid off then you will have the extra to help out.

Tawra

The other day my daughter, daughter in law and I went to the Parade of Homes in our area. For those of you who don’t know what that is it is the homes you always dream about but know you can never have. They are perfectly decorated model homes and some are quite expensively done.

My son and son in law were moaning as we trotted out the door all excited to once again get some new decorating ideas. They yelled all the way to the car “Don’t even think about moving when you get home and no more remodeling projects”. They know their wives oh so well.

Why we torture ourselves I don’t know but we do it every year. My daughter called the next day and said I get so discouraged looking at those houses and then I walk into my house and there is stuff every where.

I know what she was talking about because I felt it too but at that same moment in my minds eye I was thinking about my daughter’s home and the way it looked the last time I saw it. I then started comparing it to the model homes we had just seen and these words popped into my head, “Her home was decorated with love”.

When you walked into the living room of the model home there was a place for everything and everything was really in it’s place. I think they even measured the throws and pillows to make sure they were in the right spot. The pictures were beautiful landscapes and not a toy in sight.

Where as in my daughter’s home there was a music stand and chair in the middle of floor where sister who is just learning to play the flute had played Hot Cross Buns for the twentieth time and sat beaming as family members patiently applauded and praised her again and again and again after each attempt.

There was a very worn “security blanket” (not a throw) in a ball at the end of the couch with a favorite pillow laying half on and half off of the couch where middle brother had laid when he was sick and had been given special love and attention from mom.

Instead of landscapes there was mom and dad’s wedding picture, the kid’s school pictures along with family pictures scattered here and there. There was a dog chew in one corner where big brother had just finished playing with the dog and in another corner was the cat bed where a well loved kitty contently slept. There was a stray toy here and there, a few books, a couple of Bibles and magazines all having been shared and read together at different times.

When you walked into the kitchen of the model home there wasn’t a dish in sight or a thing on the counters. It was spotless and shiny.

My daughter’s on the other hand had a handful of dishes in the sink left from when dad took over and fixed lunch because mom wasn’t feeling good. There was a pan of water on the stove where sister had fixed a cup of tea for mom. There was a pan of burnt unrecognizable something that dad had burnt while trying to cope with lunch and feeding baby brother his bottle all at the same time.

The dining room chairs in the model homes were lined up in perfect position with a lovely arrangement taking up most of the table.

My daughter’s were all in a different place from having been used over and over that day. Some doing homework, others crafts, coloring, painting or fixing a broken this or that, having a snack together, and always at the end of the day sharing dinner together with everyone talking a mile a minute.

Last but not least there was total silence and quiet in the model homes. But at my daughter’s there was music all the time. Someone is always singing, whistling, humming and laughing. The dog is barking, someone is always talking and there are even a few boyish burps followed by mom’s scolding for doing it.

Yes those model homes looked beautiful on the outside but like your mom always said it is what is inside that counts. Inside the model home it was empty, cold and lonely. My daughter’s home certainly wasn’t empty, there were lots of “items of love” scattered everywhere, as far as being cold, all that love and laughter spread warmth to every corner of every room and as for being lonely, you couldn’t find one spot to be lonely in. Trust me my daughter has tried to find a quiet place to be alone in and they still seem to find her.

So here’s to all the homes decorated with love and the mom’s and dad’s who decorate them.

I have to say last week was the week for frugal formula.  The baby is weaned now and on Similac.  Well, I had run out of Similac coupons and was praying that God would send me some more. He is 4 months and starting soild’s but it is still expensive. ($14 a can here in the US)

Mom called last week while she was at the store and said “they have the large (double) cans of Emfamil (sp) Soy on clearance. I told her to grab all they had and they had 6 cans.  Then I realized I had some $5 coupons.  They were $5 each for 4 of them and $7 for 2 others (Carnation) and I had a $1 and $2 coupon!!!

I was so excited I jumped in the car and ran over there to meet her. I got $150 worth of formula for $12!!!! I could not believe it!

The cans are for 9-12 months so I will have to wait a few months to use it but that will say us a ton of money! There’s another $138 we can put on the house!

I still need some Similac coupons so I will be on the look out for those but I have to say that was my great find for the month!

Tawra

From: Alice
My tip is about birthday cakes.  My two girls 10
and 2 are into certain things like my little pet
shop and dora. Or fashion packs for various toys.
So I buy the toys and then I come up with a cake
idea and use the toys as decorations on the
cake.  Like the youngest is getting a Dora castle
( not a huge one) and I’ll put it in one corner
and make a yellow road or something like that to
the castle door and put the Dora figure on the
road.  It’s decorated and the child gets her toy.

The other one is in to fashion, so I’m gonna make a
purse cake with the skinny licorice braided for a
handle.
Well that’s my idea for cakes. It’s mom’s
version of a kid in a candy store.

This is one of my favorite ways to decorate a cake! Easy but so cool for the kids. Tawra

From: kimber
Just an Idea while we are talking about back to
school items and stocking up.  You can take
advantage of the stock up items to start
gathering little bits of craft items to put
together in a Christmas box or stocking to
replenish their craft boxes at home and or to
load there stockings with fillers of creative

stuff rather than just candy.  they have way more

fun stretching their imaginations.

Also be on the look out for the sale items for the dorm room
that maybe only get a few items now and stash
back some items for christmas too!  and they can
have a mid year make over or add to and see what
the other roomates contribute first.  then they
can fill in the blanks at christmas.

I saw something on the web the otherday that stated
some retailers are looking at things from a
thrifty trend standpoint and are also possibly
looking at keeping school supplies and stuff out
on the shelves longer and a little bit at a time
so they can also keep their inventories down.  so
if there is a particular item you fall in love
with you might consider it now.  however if it is
something that would be nice but not necessarily a
have to have item, you might consider waiting
them out.

Also, i think i have given this tip
before, but those extra backpacks that go on sale
or lunch boxes are great gift packages to stuff
full of stuff.  like puting a few clothes in or
craft supplies when your child has a birthday
party to go to. I hate spending more on the
packaging than on the actual gift and it is nice
to have the whole gift usable.  Have a great
day!  God Bless - Kimber

From: Elaine
I’m a new subscriber and really enjoy your weekly
newsletters.  Thanks for putting this together! I
noticed your comment in the August 4th newsletter
about your son going through two backpacks in one
school year. A lot of the cheap backpacks in
stores are just that–disappointingly cheap, and
they don’t last very long.

My freshman year of H.S. I got an L.L. Bean
backpack. The zipper broke the next year and they
replaced it for free.  That backpack got me
through the remaining three years of H.S. (with
the huge 35-pound load of books I usually
carried!), four and a half years of college, and
the first two years of graduate school before I
simply got tired of it and bought another.  I’ve
found it much cheaper to buy one expensive
backpack that will last a decade than one-two
cheap ones every year (although it would take a
lot of $1 backpacks to equal the expensive cost)
and plan to buy a nice one for our daughter when
she’s old enough to go to school.  I just wanted
to pass along this tip! 

We get this tip over and over so these must be some backpacks! I am going to check into it when they destroy this set of backpacks. Tawra

From: Ron

My wife and I are in our 40’s. We have three children in their 20’s. All three are struggling financially and constantly asking us for money.

Our two daughters are currently unemployed. We are not rich, but do have money to help them for small issues. Are we wrong to continually give them money? How do we say no without making them mad?

Thanks

The short answer is YES you are wrong to help them out. So what if you make them mad?

Really, why are you helping them out? If it’s just a temporary thing, that’s one thing, but this sounds like a common occurrence or you wouldn’t be asking. Why should your adult children be mad at you for you expecting them to take responsibility for their own bills as grown adults?

No, you do not need to be helping them so much and I would tell them you are stopping NOW!!!

Tawra

We get this question all the time and I haven’t addressed it in great detail, so I will try to do that now. I have grown children. I don’t know how many times in years past they have been unemployed or suffering financial hardship and watching them struggle has been hard.

It took a lot of courage to ask the question, “Are we wrong to continually give them money?” and, to me, half of the battle for anything is admitting there is a problem. Not everything I’m going to say next is aimed directly at you, but generally for all those people who write with similar questions. It may not all apply to your situation, but use what you can.

It is so hard being a parent and trying to know how to balance these things but the same things apply when they are adults as when they are young. What concerned me the most was when you asked how to do it without making them mad.

I think one of the worst things so many parents do no matter what the age of the kids is “wimping out” as a parent. I hear parents say all the time - “I don’t want to do this or that because my kids won’t love me”, “They’ll get mad at me”, “They won’t think I’m cool” or “I want to be their best friend.”

Children need parents who are brave, strong and powerful (in a loving sense). It makes them very insecure to have parents who aren’t like this. They think if mom and dad are going to cave under my little bit of pressure, there is no way they will stand strong and do what is best for me when I really need them to step up to the plate.

Only you can judge what is best for your children. Are they trying their best to find work? Have they been responsible in times past? Are they giving up all they can to save and make their money go farther? Are they trying to help out in different ways to show you how much they appreciate your help, maybe by cleaning your house, doing yard work or running errands for you?

Or do you find that they’re not bothering to look for a job, are not cutting back on their own personal spending and can’t believe you had the nerve to ask them to help around the house. You are the best judge. Like any good judge, though, judge with the facts and not emotions.

This is something we should do continually with our kids. If my 10 year old son was sitting every day watching TV all day and insisting I feed him bags of chocolate, you would think I was crazy if I indulged him.  Why? Because, first, he should be going to school. It’s important for his future. Second, chocolate isn’t the best diet in the world for a child. Interestingly, though, many of us do this with our 20 something children. If I tell him, no, he can’t do this anymore, he is going to be mad at me, but I still have to do it for his good and because I love him more than myself.

As kids get older, the specific things in question may be different, but the same principles apply.

Another reason why you shouldn’t worry about whether they get mad or not is because it isn’t good for you. You will lose what you are worrying about losing and that is your children’s love and respect. No one, especially children, respect and admire anyone they can manipulate and control — someone who is a pushover.

I’m not sure there is any way to say this without sounding harsh and I don’t mean it in a harsh way. If a parent gives his or her children things or money because the parent doesn’t want them to be mad or to not like them, they are just buying their children’s love. In the adult world, if it was a man and a woman it would be called having a sugar daddy.

We have got to stop using material possessions and money to try to fix emotional conditions. Possessions and emotions are two different things. Using this strategy is like putting a band aid on your big toe to fix the huge bleeding cut on your arm. You are trying to fix the wrong problem and in the wrong way.

If grown children are asking for help all the time, something else needs to be fixed and it won’t be fixed with more money. You are pouring good money on top of bad. If you had an investment and every month the bottom dropped out of it and you were asked to invest more, how long would you keep pouring good money into this bad investment? After a bit wouldn’t you think, “Maybe I need to look into this and see how to fix it?” or change it? Of course you would, which is why I applaud you for asking this question, because that is what you are doing. Don’t stop there — follow through with the solution.

Now that we’ve discussed the emotional issue, let’s get down to what we can do in a practical sense to deal with this situation.

The best way to keep the problem from happening in the first place is, when the children are young, to avoid the habit of giving in to their desires and bailing them out from their problems. Sometimes they have to learn from and deal with the consequences that their actions created. Constantly rescuing them prolongs the problem and usually makes it worse.

Clearly, there are times when the situation isn’t their fault but instead of immediately coming to their rescue, teach them and help them find a way out without simply handing them what they need on a silver platter. For example, my daughter wanted to be in a special singing and dancing group at school. We just didn’t have the money for it. It wasn’t her fault and I hated telling her she couldn’t do it, so we came up with a solution. She got a part time job to cover the expenses.

I had taught her how to come up with a solution. Instead of getting mad because I couldn’t give her what she wanted, she learned a new job skill and, years later when she and her husband faced similar but bigger problems, she knew how to work it out without running to me first thing.

20 somethings: They are a little like 3 year olds and a little like teenagers. They want to be independent but, at the same time, are always testing the waters to see how much they can get by with before mom and dad put their foot down and say enough.

Add to that a mom and dad who have been brainwashed into thinking that this generation is “special” because of “these hard economic times” and that spells trouble. Do you know that one generation after another has thought the same thing, but still has been kicked out of the nest and has survived?

Unemployment is unemployment, whether it is during the depression of the 30’s, the days after World War II when men came back from the war to find that there weren’t many jobs to be had and on and on. Each generation has had to learn to cope, although I think this generation is the first one to sit and refuse to help themselves and expect mom and dad, the government and others to do it all for them.

Instead of bailing them out, help them find a solution or, better yet, step back and let them find their own solution. They may flounder and go under a bit but believe me, in spite of what everyone thinks, the spirit of survival is still a strong motivator and even though they may be uncomfortable for a while, they will not only live, but become stronger and better people for it.

We don’t have enough faith in our kids and we don’t give them enough credit. No wonder so many don’t try to take care of themselves — If mom and dad don’t have faith in them, they can’t have faith in themselves.

One other practical thing to do is to sit down with your kids and explain you feel you are doing them a disservice by bailing them out and have decided to let them live their own lives from now on, the good, bad and ugly of it all. Pick a time when everyone is calm and not tired or unusually stressed. Have some yummy desserts or snacks and sit and talk.

If you feel better about it, you can give them a small amount (and I mean small) to give them couple weeks to find a job, place to live or whatever. Then explain that there will be no more. Whether you do this or not is something you have to decide for your own situation.

Be prepared for them to get mad, hurt and to rant and rave, but they will eventually get over it. Even if they don’t, you have to let go and realize how they react is no longer your responsibility but between them and God. Besides, if the only way you can keep your children’s love is by paying them for it, is it really love? I don’t know, but it is something to think about.

Is there a time to help adult children? Yes. I would give my children money in a heartbeat, but only because they have proven themselves worthy and responsible over the years. I have insisted they take money from me from time to time in years past and they have always been grateful and paid me back in a timely manner. On rare occasions we all need help, but we shouldn’t ask for help until we have done everything and sacrificed all we can to help ourselves first.

Jill